tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-112227242024-03-07T16:25:19.755-08:00Virtual Church of the Blind ChihuahuaMore to Religion than pleasing your Imaginary FriendScooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.comBlogger467125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-9467928107564263832016-11-10T13:06:00.000-08:002016-11-10T13:06:06.278-08:00VCBC's Museum<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #999999;">As the Web evolves, typography, graphic design, and navigation schemes quickly become dated. Here is a nostalgic look back for the curious, and for those who remember us from years ago.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<b>Ascent of CSS Layout (2007-2016)</b><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFcorNvHJkNE5ma8dMHwrnwUJkL-XKUm-51Nhd_GoMRtT0N45a8gOkLQcOy7aFM1wJBJ_7UC7v-DeZISCp7RUuT2v8OIEPcxS9_tptaWYd6R_a4QbfbhyIKVZ5a5Ag7OGJAGAO/s1600/tito.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFcorNvHJkNE5ma8dMHwrnwUJkL-XKUm-51Nhd_GoMRtT0N45a8gOkLQcOy7aFM1wJBJ_7UC7v-DeZISCp7RUuT2v8OIEPcxS9_tptaWYd6R_a4QbfbhyIKVZ5a5Ag7OGJAGAO/s1600/tito.png" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<b>Attack of the Graphic Designers (2004—2007)</b><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-pkqhdrs4O3iG7uMlzHUEr0VK870fhfgu7MznzwtG0v5iyt7nByW3rhmMIt_dA9K9N2JiC2LNZeuyHuBeWOSeGcFosNvgdX3QEM2mREQ0x0BtbANIykTzddxb9N7VsJTfdiv4/s1600/titoporchsmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-pkqhdrs4O3iG7uMlzHUEr0VK870fhfgu7MznzwtG0v5iyt7nByW3rhmMIt_dA9K9N2JiC2LNZeuyHuBeWOSeGcFosNvgdX3QEM2mREQ0x0BtbANIykTzddxb9N7VsJTfdiv4/s320/titoporchsmall.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>The Web Expands (1997—2004)</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2azqWKsnKhJwyeSCtfcObewC609q0dAGWsf8jtkGEROeVMiZwYwg431YeSCh2pHKvZQd6rXkf_JqjQ9pAq4VR3uZeZhvqOlCGmyy0evSimvy_OhADpX0J2hzBKL6RmhpbGrGr/s1600/titocloud3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2azqWKsnKhJwyeSCtfcObewC609q0dAGWsf8jtkGEROeVMiZwYwg431YeSCh2pHKvZQd6rXkf_JqjQ9pAq4VR3uZeZhvqOlCGmyy0evSimvy_OhADpX0J2hzBKL6RmhpbGrGr/s320/titocloud3.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>Foundation (4 July 1996)</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKTKItt8smyuHLDhk4wWhoh0xWjfEJUPjVKMfZ1GCRYfPbo1aNQsVA2U3qKa2yQ3D35TYFoekn7YstiHcXlb3pyThEoYme_TgAHDpAsRy0Vy5HLtQM9frMBox1phDVoLX_h9J2/s1600/Cloud2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKTKItt8smyuHLDhk4wWhoh0xWjfEJUPjVKMfZ1GCRYfPbo1aNQsVA2U3qKa2yQ3D35TYFoekn7YstiHcXlb3pyThEoYme_TgAHDpAsRy0Vy5HLtQM9frMBox1phDVoLX_h9J2/s320/Cloud2.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Our mascot is Photoshopped from <a href="http://www.panix.com/%7Epiglet/chihuahua/titoporch.gif" target="win2">Tito</a>, in the <a href="http://www.panix.com/%7Epiglet/chihuahua/gallery.html" target="win2">CHIHUA-L Photo Gallery</a>, by kind permission of <b>Sara Dillon</b> and Dan Levine.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGTXFdKtZ-wYj3Lq-3NKA6rdvV7yit0h9EyN_zDlkhmn2VlzDNnTNV8Zw0OLFvP1oh94I25ThefM12nKrC5i6knGS6SThgNnnrGYEMGYrJuoM9KJYsbtf6ZUKw_akSHP2cNlE/s1600/rover2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGTXFdKtZ-wYj3Lq-3NKA6rdvV7yit0h9EyN_zDlkhmn2VlzDNnTNV8Zw0OLFvP1oh94I25ThefM12nKrC5i6knGS6SThgNnnrGYEMGYrJuoM9KJYsbtf6ZUKw_akSHP2cNlE/s1600/rover2.png" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOZVwuzovDpQVNtauLtQj6YRVdI9lru9Do_kmauChacEeNCQ71Au7_QD9Zp1Er_7_WTLI2oDHm6JTaOODinb7JkV9QtXXssE5cZ75hS0j9Wh6FU6dktzsmZOn9HWii2skopGWe/s1600/rover.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOZVwuzovDpQVNtauLtQj6YRVdI9lru9Do_kmauChacEeNCQ71Au7_QD9Zp1Er_7_WTLI2oDHm6JTaOODinb7JkV9QtXXssE5cZ75hS0j9Wh6FU6dktzsmZOn9HWii2skopGWe/s1600/rover.gif" /></a></div>
We used this image at page footers to make wry self-deprecating comments about our writings. Originally he looked like the image at right.<br />
<br />
For why we chose a Chihuahua in the first place, see our <a href="http://dogchurch.blogspot.com/2014/11/frequently-asked-questions.html">FAQ</a>.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-87904600458301326932016-11-07T15:57:00.003-08:002016-11-07T15:57:43.329-08:00God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire<div id="byline" style="text-align: center;">
by Author Identity Requested</div>
<div id="dateline">
</div>
<div id="topquote">
<span class="quotesource"></span>
</div>
<br />
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In
order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to
answer the following questions.<br />
<br />
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely
confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless
you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.<br />
<br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="4"><tbody>
<tr>
<td colspan="2">
<b>1. How did you find out about God?</b><br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>__ Newspaper<br />
__ Television<br />
__ Word of mouth<br />
__ Tabloid<br />
__ Bible<br />
__ Torah</td>
<td>__ Koran<br />
__ Other Book<br />
__ Divine Inspiration<br />
__ Near Death Experience<br />
__ Burning Shrubbery<br />
__ Other (specify): ______________________
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2">
<b>2. Which model God did you acquire?</b><br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>__ YHWH<br />
__ Jehovah<br />
__ Allah<br />
__ God<br />
__ G_d</td>
<td>__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (3 for 1 deal!)<br />
__ Jesus<br />
__ Ahura Mazda/Ahriman (opposed pair)<br />
__ Brahman<br />
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2"><b>3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?</b></td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>__ Yes</td>
<td>__ No
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2">If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:___________________________
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2"><b>4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god? (Please check all that apply.)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>__ Indoctrinated by parents<br />
__ Indoctrinated by society<br />
__ Imaginary friend grew up<br />
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys<br />
__ Wanted to piss off parents<br />
__ Desperate need for certainty<br />
__ Need to feel Morally Superior</td>
<td>__ Needed a reason to live<br />
__ Needed focus in who to despise<br />
__ Hate to think for myself<br />
__ Fear of death<br />
__ Needed a day away from work<br />
__ Like Organ Music<br />
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2"><b>5. Have you ever worshipped a God before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.</b></td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>
__ Odin<br />
__ Zeus<br />
__ Apollo<br />
__ Ra<br />
__ The Great Spirit<br />
__ Satan<br />
__ The Sun<br />
__ The Moon<br />
__ The Bomb<br />
</td>
<td>__ Cthulhu<br />
__ The Almighty Dollar<br />
__ The Invisible Hand<br />
__ Barney T.B.P.D.<br />
__ The Great Pumpkin<br />
__ Bill and/or Hillary Clinton<br />
__ Donald Trump<br />
__ A burning cabbage<br />
__ Other: _____________________
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td colspan="2"><b>6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.</b></td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>__ Tarot<br />
__ Astrology<br />
__ Fortune cookies<br />
__ Psychic Friends Network<br />
__ Palmistry<br />
__ Self-help books<br />
__ Biorythms<br />
__ Tea Leaves<br />
__ Mantras<br />
__ Crystals<br />
__ Pyramids<br />
__ Insurance policies<br />
__ Barney T.B.P.D.<br />
__ Barney Fife</td>
<td>__ Lottery<br />
__ Television<br />
__ Ann Landers<br />
__ Dianetics<br />
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl<br />
__ Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll<br />
__ George W. Bush<br />
__ EST<br />
__ Jimmy Swaggart<br />
__ Human Sacrifice<br />
__ Wandering around a desert<br />
__ Burning Shrubbery<br />
__ Other: _____________________<br />
__ None
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td colspan="2"><b>7. God employs a limited degree of Divine
Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind
faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?</b></td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td colspan="2">a. More Divine Intervention<br />
b. Less Divine Intervention<br />
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right<br />
d. Don't know .... What's Divine Intervention?
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td colspan="2"><b>8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced
level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his
handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):</b></td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td>
<dl>
<dt>a. Disasters</dt>
<dd>Global Warming 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Flood 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Famine 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5<br />
War 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Plague 1 2 3 4 5<br />
SPAM 1 2 3 4 5<br />
AOL 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Microsoft 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Terrorism 1 2 3 4 5
</dd></dl>
</td>
<td>
<dl>
<dt>b. Miracles</dt>
<dd>Rescues 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Crying statues 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Walking on water<br />
(other than the Hudson) 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Talking flaming shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5<br />
VCRs that set their own clocks 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Saddam Hussein still alive 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Cubs winning the Series 1 2 3 4 5<br />
Term limits on the Presidency 1 2 3 4 5
</dd></dl>
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td colspan="2"><b>9. Do you have any additional comments or
suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an
additional sheet if necessary):</b>
<br />
<br />
</td>
</tr>
<tr valign="top">
<td align="center" colspan="2"><b>Thank you!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-38504448355238094082016-11-07T15:53:00.000-08:002016-11-07T15:53:12.716-08:00VCBC's Aphorisms<div id="main">
<b>A Wedding</b> is a date with tragedy, because all marriages
end in divorce or death. Enjoy and celebrate something about each day
you have together.<br />
<br />
<b>Divorce</b> is a marriage which both partners have survived.<br />
<br />
<b>Your life</b> can be spent, wasted or given, but not saved. Do something worthwhile with it before it goes away.<br />
<br />
<b>Time</b> is infinitely valuable, because no amount of money
can buy it back. Working only for the money is selling short the best
hours of your days during the best years of your life. Find work that
you enjoy. If you can, pay others gladly to do the work you don't enjoy.<br />
<br />
<b>Risk</b> is relative. The biggest risk you can ever take was
imposed on you without your knowledge or consent: once you were
conceived, the whole world began to happen to you until you die.<br />
<br />
<b>Make peace</b> by enfranchising the disenfranchised,
empowering the powerless, and deterring the willfully destructive. Doing
less than all three just makes more war.<br />
<br />
<b>Swick's Law:</b> Trust computer equipment as far as you can throw it.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="Swick"></a><br />
<b>Swick's Prophecy:</b> Your future is cast in quicksand.<br />
<br />
<b>The Secret of Life</b> is to keep your mind full, and your bowels empty. A lot of folk seem to have got this the other way round. — Leo Buscaglia<br />
<br />
<b>Politicians, </b>like diapers<b>,</b> should be changed regularly, and for the same reasons. — Anonymous<br />
<br />
<b>Politics</b> is not a bad profession. If you succeed there
are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. —
Ronald Reagan<br />
<br />
<b>Doctrine</b> is Man trying to make God behave himself. <b>Dogma</b> is Man trying to make Man behave himself. — Richard Gay.<br />
<br />
<b>Posessions</b> are those of your things you can morally, mentally, and emotionally give up. The rest of your things posess <b>you</b>. — Richard Gay.<br />
<br />
<b>Sex</b> is strange. The proof is that whatever you're doing now would have seemed really wierd to you if you had
heard about it when you were ten years old.<br />
<br />
<b>On sex in the workplace:</b> If you put your meat where you get your bread, you may become a sandwich that someone else will eat for lunch.<br />
<br />
<b>If you meet your ideal man/woman:</b> Run the other way, before you wound yourself and him/her by colliding with your fantasies. Go find a real one.<br />
<br />
<b>In Theory</b> there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is. — Anonymous<br />
<br />
We have to believe in <b>Free Will</b>. We have no choice. — Isaac Bachevis Singer<br />
</div>
Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-37328265382179767942016-11-07T15:48:00.000-08:002016-11-07T15:48:59.143-08:00VCBC's Favorite Religious Jokes<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The 18th Camel</h3>
Long ago, an old Bedouin died and left an
inheritance to his three grown sons. His will stated specifically that
his first son should get half of his estate, his second son should get a
third, his third son should get a ninth. Unfortunately, the man's
entire estate consisted of 17 camels, so that the division could not be
made without slaughtering at least one of them, which none of the sons
wanted to do. They could not resolve their dispute, so they consulted
their mullah.<br />
<br />
The mullah gave them his camel. Now they had 18 camels. The
first son took 9 camels, the second son took six camels, the third son
took two camels, and they gave the remaining camel to the mullah as a
gift for settling their dispute. — <i>From a Marriage and Family Therapist</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="wailingwall"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Wailing Wall</h3>
In Jerusalem
there lived an old, orthodox Jew, who would get up every morning, don
his tzitzis and tefillin, put on his yarmulke, and walk to the Wailing
Wall at the base of the Temple Mount to pray. He would pray all morning,
take a break for lunch, and then pray all afternoon, chanting and
rocking from his heels to his tiptoes. One day, a reporter noticed him,
and asked him about his devotion.<br />
"For forty years, I have come here every day to beg our Lord for justice and peace in the Middle East," he explained.<br />
<br />
"And what has that been like for you?" asked the reporter.<br />
<br />
"Mostly," he said, "It's been like talking to a wall!"<br />
<br />
<i>- told to me by Al Kaufman</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="moishe"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Pope vs Moishe</h3>
Imagine that the
year is 1492 A.D., and the citizens of Rome want expel the Jews, just
like Ferdinand and Isabella expelled the Jews of Spain. The Pope, being
somewhat more openminded than his followers, decided to give the Jews a
chance to be heard on this question, and challenged them to a public
debate. The elders of the Jewish community considered the matter
carefully.<br />
<br />
"We have many learned and erudite men among us," they reasoned,
"but the Pope is also learned and erudite. By learning and erudition
alone, we may not prevail. Perhaps we may prevail by common sense." So
they chose the most common sensical among them, a crusty old fellow
named Moishe, to represent them. Moishe agreed, but on one condition:
The debate must be held in silence, without words.<br />
<br />
Surprisingly, the Pope agreed. On the appointed day, the Pope and Moishe took the stage and seated themselves before the crowd.<br />
<br />
The Pope held up three fingers. Moishe held up one finger.<br />
<br />
The Pope pointed with his three fingers to the four horizons, East, South, West, and North. Moishe pointed with his one finger to the ground at their feet.<br />
<br />
After some moments, the Pope held up the elements of the Eucharist, the wine and the wafer. Moishe immediately held up an apple.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, the Pope stood up and declared, "The debate is concluded. The Jews have won. The Jews can stay."<br />
<br />
Some days later, a Cardinal finally got up the nerve to ask the
Pope, "Your Holiness, just what exactly did you guys say to each other?"<br />
<br />
"First," began the Pope, "I held up three fingers to symbolize
the Trinity - Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Then Moishe held up one
finger to represent the essential Unity of God. OK, so he got me on the
first round. Next, I pointed to all the horizons to indicate that God is
all around us. But Moishe pointed to the ground between us to indicate
that God is right here with us. OK, he got me again. Finally, I held up
the Eucharist to indicate the redemption of humankind through the
sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ. But Moishe held up the apple to
indicate the Original Sin of Adam and Eve that made that sacrifice
necessary. I realized that he was right - that we are all one in Adam,
and announced the Jews' victory."<br />
<br />
Not long after that, one of the Rabbis asked Moishe the same question.<br />
<br />
"The Pope," said Moishe, "held up three fingers to mean, 'the
Jews must leave Rome in three days.' I held up one finger to say, 'Not
one Jew will leave.' Then the Pope pointed to the horizons to say, 'the
Jews must disperse into the wide world.' I pointed to the ground between
us to say, 'We are staying right here!' Then," Moishe shrugged, "he
held up his lunch, I held up mine, and it was all over."<br />
<br />
<i>— From L. Pittenger</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="beervjesus"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Top 10 Reasons Why Beer is Better than Jesus</h3>
<i>From the Thou Shalt Not Bear Witness in Hokey Ways department:</i><br />
<br />
When the Campus Crusade for Christ at Texas A&M University
donned pro-abstinence T-shirts bearing the legend "Top 10 Reasons Jesus
Is Better Than Beer," A&M's <a href="http://atheist.tamu.edu/%7Eaasg/" target="win2">Agnostic and Atheist Student Group</a> responded with the following (to which they retain copyright):<br />
<br />
<center>
<b>Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus</b><br />
</center>
10. No one will kill you for not drinking <b>beer</b>.<br />
9. <b>Beer</b> doesn't tell you how to have sex.<br />
8. <b>Beer</b> has never caused a major war.<br />
7. They don't force <b>beer</b> on minors who can't think for themselves.<br />
6. When you have <b>beer</b>, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.<br />
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over their brand of <b>beer</b>.<br />
4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second <b>beer</b>.<br />
3. There are laws saying that <b>beer</b> labels can't lie to you.<br />
2. You can prove you have a <b>beer</b>.<br />
1. If you've devoted your life to <b>beer</b>, there are groups to help you stop.<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><br />
<div class="editorsnote">
<span style="color: #999999;">I am pleased to see this and it reads well
this way, but for your personal edification I thought I would drop you a
note. I don't think the Agnostic & Atheist Student Group (AASG)
actually existed when we printed these shirts up. The AASG began selling
them as fund-raisers soon after its inception, and continues to sell
them (here is their <a href="http://studentactivities.tamu.edu/online/organization/OTU3Mjcw/profile/public/view" target="win2">website</a>).
The origin of this shirt and its first two printings actually lies with
a loose group of people who posted to a Vax Notes board at A&M. It
was the "Forum" vax notes and we generally referred to the group as the
forum crowd, but we were just a group of people who went to A&M. As
soon as the CCC (Campus Crusade for Christ) came out with their Top Ten
shirt, a guy who goes by the moniker "SubG" immediately posted his Top
50 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Jesus and the thread snowballed.
Within a week we had several hundred. Someone said "we should print a
t-shirt." We argued for another couple of weeks over which ten reasons
were best for the shirt, wording of the reasons, and what <i>order</i>
the reasons should go in (for Pete's sake!). But, eventually, we had it
set and one of the group went about collecting money and printing out
the first 20 or so. Another printing was done at the beginning of the
next school year and the AASG was formed not too long after that. They
pretty much took it over, but this was natural considering the overlap
between the Forum crowd and the AASG. Anyway, as a former member of both
groups, it amused me to see it on your page. Like I said, I don't think
you should change the story as it appears on your page. It is a lot
easier to read the way you have it, and a lot easier for people to track
down the AASG if they really want to see about getting one of these
shirts for themselves. — jamie [Here is the<a href="http://atheist.tamu.edu/%7Eaasg/aleph/misc/top_ten.html" target="win2"> AASG list</a>. which started from an original list by <a href="http://www.positiveatheism.org/mail/eml9811.htm" target="win2">Paul D. Jones</a>.]</span></div>
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="twomonks"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Two Monks and a Woman</h3>
Two monks were walking toward a village when they chanced upon a small woman at the edge of a stream, which was partly flooded.<br />
<br />
"Will you help me?" asked the woman. "I need to get to the
village to help my sister, who has fallen ill. But I am afraid that I am
too small to wade across the flood. I fear I shall be swept away. Could
you help me across?"<br />
<br />
Now this perplexed the monks, who belonged to an ascetic order
that required them to renounce all contact with women. They had vowed
not to touch a woman, not to talk with a woman, or even to look on a
woman, for the rest of their lives. Nevertheless, the younger of the two
monks, wordlessly picked the little woman up, and carried her across
the swollen stream on his shoulder. His companion followed, and after
the woman had thanked them and walked out of earshot, the elder monk
began to berate the younger for having broken his vows.<br />
<br />
The tirade went on and on. Eventually, the younger monk, who had
silently endured his brother's criticism for over an hour, turned and
spoke.<br />
<br />
"<b>I</b> put that woman down five miles ago. Why are <b>you</b> still carrying her?"<i> — From J. Pruneda</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="dogheaven"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
No Dogs in Heaven</h3>
A
kindly old man died peacefully and found himself resurrected in the
middle of a country road. And behold! Running toward him was his
favorite dog! He knelt and embraced his long lost pet in tearful
reunion. After some time, the dog seemed anxious to walk the road in
what seemed to be the direction of the rising sun. The man followed.<br />
<br />
Before long, they came to a fence of wrought gold, with pearly
gates, behind which there stood mansion upon mansion. The gatekeeper, a
tall man in flowing white robes, greeted the man, and welcomed him to
enter.<br />
<br />
"But what exactly is this place?" said the man, who had been a lifelong agnostic.<br />
"This," said the gatekeeper, is Heaven. But you'll have to leave him outside. We have a strict no-pets policy."<br />
<br />
The man stood in confusion for some moments. His face became grim. "No thanks," he said. "I'll take my chances with my dog."<br />
<br />
For a long time, the man and his dog wandered down the road. At
last they came to an unpretentious farming community with no fences or
gates of any kind. What appeared to be a contented old farmer was
sitting on a stool next to an old-fashioned hand operated water pump.
The dog ran up to the farmer, who petted him, and gave him some water.<br />
<br />
"Where is this place?" asked the man.<br />
<br />
"This is Heaven," answered the farmer. "It's all around you.
You've been in it, or at least the outskirts of it ever since you died."<br />
<br />
"But that fellow back yonder behind the pearly gates said that place was Heaven." replied the man.<br />
<br />
"Nah, that's Hell," replied the farmer. "We leave the entrance
there to weed out the hypocrites who'd leave their best friend behind."<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="lottery"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Lottery</h3>
A man prayed for 10
years to win the lottery. Finally, the clouds parted, the light shone
from above, and a voice like many waters boomed, "Do us both a favor,
BUY A TICKET!"<i> — From L. Pittenger</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="kisslap"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Kiss and the Slap</h3>
A young
infantryman, his sergeant, a beautiful young woman and her grandmother
wound up sharing a compartment on a train in Europe just after World War
II. Suddenly the train went into a tunnel, plunging the compartment
into darkness. Just before the train emerged into the light, a loud kiss
was followed by a sharp slap.<br />
<br />
"That young man was very impertinent to kiss my granddaughter,"
thought the grandmother. "I'm glad she had the presence of mind to slap
him like that!"<br />
<br />
"That young man was very impertinent to kiss me like that,"
thought the young lady. "But I'm glad he did. I hope he won't be
intimidated by my grandmother slapping him like that."<br />
<br />
"The young fellow is certainly enterprising for kissing the
young lady," thought the Sergeant, "but I wish she had landed the slap
on him instead of me!"<br />
<br />
The infantryman thought, "What a wonderful world God has made,
in which a soldier can kiss a young lady, slap his sergeant, and get
away with both!"<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="NeilKlein"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
What is Talmud?</h3>
A young man asked a rabbi, "What is Talmud?"<br />
<br />
"Consider two men who climb inside a chimney," said the rabbi.
"One comes out clean, and the other comes out dirty. Which man washes
himself?"<br />
<br />
"I'm not sure," admitted the young man.<br />
<br />
"The clean one washes," said the rabbi, "because he sees the
dirty man, and thinks he must be dirty, too, whereas the dirty man sees
the clean one, and thinks that he, too, must be clean. Now, two men
climb inside a chimney. One comes out clean, and the other dirty. Which
one washes?"<br />
<br />
"The clean one," answered the young man. You just told me so.<br />
<br />
"The dirty one washes," replied the rabbi. Each man looks at
himself. The clean one sees that he is clean, the dirty one sees that he
is dirty, and the dirty one washes. Now, two men climb inside a
chimney. One comes out clean, and the other dirty. Which one washes?"<br />
<br />
"I guess it could be either one," said the young man.<br />
<br />
"They both wash," replied the rabbi. "It is impossible that a man should climb inside a chimney and come out clean."<br />
<br />
"Now wait a minute," challenged the young man. "You have just
given me three contradictory answers to the same question. That's
impossible!"<br />
<br />
"No," said the rabbi. "That's Talmud." — <i>Thanks to Neal Klein</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="setfoot"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Three Synagogues</h3>
Two shipwrecked
Rabbis were rescued from a remote island after years of isolation. As
they were getting ready to board the rescue boat, the captain asked,
"Why are there three synagogues on the island?"<br />
<br />
"That one is my synagogue," answered one Rabbi.<br />
"And that one is mine," said the other.<br />
<br />
Then, pointing to the more distant synagogue, they both said, "And <i>that</i> is the one in which neither one of us will set foot." <i>— Thanks to Guy Smith</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="Stopsign"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
STOP Sign Hermeneutics</h3>
<div class="editorsnote">
<i>Hermeneutics</i> is "the science or art of interpretation, especially of Scripture."</div>
Suppose you're traveling to work and you see a stop sign. What you do depends on your implicit hermeneutics.<br />
<ol>
<li>A postmodernist deconstructs the sign (i.e., he knocks it over
with his car), thus ending forever the tyranny of the north-south
traffic over the east-west traffic.</li>
<li>Similarly, a Marxist sees a stop sign as an instrument of
class conflict. He concludes that the bourgeoisie use the north-south
road and obstruct the progress of the workers on the east-west road.</li>
<li>A serious and educated Catholic believes that he cannot
understand the stop sign apart from its interpretive community and their
tradition. Observing that the interpretive community doesn't take it
too seriously, he doesn't feel obligated to take it too seriously
either.</li>
<li>An average Catholic (or Orthodox or Coptic or Anglican or
Methodist or Presbyterian or whatever) doesn't bother to read the sign
but he'll stop if the car in front of him does.</li>
<li>A Fundamentalist, taking the text very literally, stops at the stop sign and then waits for it to tell him to go.</li>
<li>A preacher might look up "STOP" in his lexicons of English and
discover that it can mean either: 1) something which prevents motion,
such as a plug for a drain, or a block of wood that prevents a door from
closing; or 2) a location where a train or bus lets off passengers. The
main point of his sermon the following Sunday on this text is: when you
see a stop sign, it is a place where traffic is naturally clogged, so
it is a good place to let off passengers from your car.</li>
<li>An Orthodox Jew does one of two things:
<ol>
<li type="A">Takes another route to work that doesn't have a
stop sign so that he doesn't run the risk of disobeying the halachah
(Jewish Law), or</li>
<li type="A">Stops at the stop sign, says "Blessed art thou, O
Lord our God, king of the universe, who hast given us thy commandment to
stop," waits 3 seconds according to his watch, and then proceeds.</li>
</ol>
Incidentally, the Talmud has the following comments on this passage:<br />
R[abbi] Meir says: He who does not stop shall not live long. R.
Hillel says: Cursed is he who does not count to three before proceeding.
R. Simon ben Yudah says: Why three? Because the Holy One, blessed be
He, gave us the Law, the Prophets, and the Writings. R. ben Isaac says:
Because of the three patriarchs. R. Yehuda says: Why bless the Lord at a
stop sign? Because it says: "Be still, and know that I am God."<br />
R.Hezekiel says: When Jephthah returned from defeating the
Ammonites, the Holy One, blessed be He, knew that a donkey would run out
of the house and overtake his daughter; but Jephthah did not stop at
the stop sign, and the donkey did not have time to come out. For this
reason he saw his daughter first and lost her. Thus he was judged for
his transgression at the stop sign.<br />
R. Gamaliel says: R. Hillel, when he was a baby, never spoke a
word, though his parents tried to teach him by speaking and showing him
the words on a scroll. One day his father was driving through town and
did not stop at the sign. Young Hillel called out: "Stop, father!" In
this way, he began reading and speaking at the same time. Thus it is
written: "Out of the mouth of babes."<br />
R. ben Jacob says: Where did the stop sign come from? Out of the
sky, for it is written: "Forever, O Lord, your word is fixed in the
heavens."<br />
R. ben Nathan says: When were stop signs created? On the fourth day, for it is written: "let them serve as signs."<br />
But R. Yehoshua says: ... (continues for three more pages)</li>
<li>A Haredi [ultra-Orthodox "black hat" Jew] does the same thing
as an Orthodox Jew, except that he waits 10 seconds instead of 3. He
also replaces his brake lights with 1000 watt searchlights and connects
his horn so that it is activated whenever he touches the brake pedal.</li>
<li>A Breslover Hasidic Jew sees the sign and makes hisboddidus (a
form of spontaneous personal prayer) saying: "Robono Shel Olam [Master
of the Universe] — here I am, traveling on the road in Your service, and
I'm about to face who knows what danger at this intersection in my
life. So please watch over me and help me to get through this stop sign
safely." Then, "looking neither to left nor right" as Rebbe Nachman
advises, he joyfully accepts the challenge, remains focused on his goal —
even if the car rolls backward for a moment — then he hits the gas
pedal and forges bravely forward, overcoming all obstacles which the
yezer ra [evil inclination] might put in his path.</li>
<li>A Lubovitcher Hasidic Jew stops at the sign and reads it very
carefully in the light of the Rebbe's teachings. (In former times he
would have used his cell phone to call Brooklyn and speak to the Rebbe
personally for advice, but this is no longer possible, may the Rebbe
rest in peace.) Next, he gets out of the car and sets up a roadside
mitzvah mobile [outreach booth], taking this opportunity to ask other
Jewish drivers who stop at the sign whether or not they have put on
tefillin today [male ritual] or whether they light Shabbos candles
[female ritual]. Having now settled there, he steadfastly refuses to
give up a single inch of the land he occupies until Moschiach [the
Jewish Messiah] comes.</li>
<li>A Reform Jew sees the stop sign, and coasts up to it while
contemplating the question "Do I personally feel commanded to stop?"
During this internal process he edges into the intersection and is hit
from behind by a car driven by a secular Jew who ignored the sign
completely.</li>
<li>A Conservative Jew reacts by calling his rabbi and asking him
whether stopping at this sign is required by unanimous ruling of the
Commission on Jewish Law or if there is a minority position. While
waiting for the rabbi's answer he is ticketed by a policeman for
obstructing traffic.</li>
<li>A Reconstructionist Jew, seeing the stop sign, might say:
First, this sign is part of our evolving civilization and therefore I
must honor it and stop. On the other hand, since its origins are in the
past, I must assert that "the past has a vote and not a veto," and
therefore I must study the issue carefully and decide if the argument
"to stop" is spiritually, intellectually and culturally compelling
enough to convince me to stop. If yes, I will vote with the past. If
not, I will veto it. Finally, is there any way that I can re-value or
transvalue the stop sign's message for our own time</li>
<li>The Renewal-Movement-Jew meditates on whether the STOP sign
applies in all kabbalistic Four Worlds [Body-Emotion-Mind-Spirit] or
only in some of them, and if so which ones? Must he stop feeling?
thinking? being? driving? Since he has stopped to breathe and meditate
on this question, he is quite safe while he does so, barukh HaShem.
[Praise God.]</li>
<li>A scholar from the Jesus seminar concludes that the passage
"STOP" undoubtedly was never uttered by Jesus himself, but belongs
entirely to stage III of the Gospel tradition, when the church was first
confronted by traffic in its parking lot.</li>
<li>A NT scholar notices that there is no stop sign on Mark Street
but there is one on Matthew and Luke streets, and concludes that the
ones on Luke and Matthew streets are both copied from a sign on a
completely hypothetical street called "Q". There is an excellent 300
page discussion of speculations on the origin of these stop signs and
the differences between the stop signs on Matthew and Luke street in the
scholar's commentary on the passage. There is an unfortunate omission
in the commentary, however: the author apparently forgot to explain what
the text means.</li>
<li>An OT scholar points out that there are a number of stylistic
differences between the first and second half of the passage "STOP". For
ample, "ST" contains no enclosed areas and 5 line endings, whereas "OP"
contains two enclosed areas and only one line termination. He concludes
at the author for the second part is different from the author for the
first part and probably lived hundreds of years later. Later scholars
determine that the second half is itself actually written by two
separate authors because of similar stylistic differences between the
"O" and the "P".</li>
<li>Another prominent OT scholar notes in his commentary that the
stop sign would fit better into the context three streets back.
(Unfortunately, he neglected to explain why in his commentary.) Clearly
it was moved to its present location by a later redactor. He thus
exegetes the intersection as though the stop sign were not there.</li>
<li>Because of the difficulties in interpretation, another OT
scholar amends the text, changing "T" to "H". "SHOP" is much easier to
understand in context than "STOP" because of the multiplicity of stores
in the area. The textual corruption probably occurred because "SHOP" is
so similar to "STOP" on the sign several streets back that it is a
natural mistake for a scribe to make. Thus the sign should be
interpreted to announce the existence of a shopping area.</li>
<li>A feminist scholar notes that all commentary refers to "he"
and concludes she is thus exempt, so she runs the sign and is killed.</li>
<li>A radical feminist, observing what happened to the first
feminist, concludes this is a misogynist plot to get all feminists
killed by inciting them to run stop signs. So she gets out of the car
and stages a protest against the inherent sexism in all traffic signs.</li>
<li>An observant Orthodox Jewish woman concludes that she is not
allowed to observe the mitzvah [commandment] of stopping because she is
niddah [menstruant]. This is a dilemma, because the stop sign is located
on the way to the mikvah [ritual purification pool]. She refers the
dilemma to all the Rabbinical scholars, who shrug.</li>
<li>A feminist Jewish woman sees this as a sign from the Shekhinah
[feminine aspect of God] that translates roughly "enough already...."</li>
</ol>
<i>submitted by "Gator" Bob Mantei</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="Episcopalians"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
What Episcopalians Believe</h3>
Episcopalians occasionally believe in miracles and sometimes
even expect them, particularly during stewardship canvasses or when
electing bishops or vicars, or recruiting church school teachers.<br />
Episcopalians believe in ecumenical dialogue because they are
certain that after all is said and done, everyone else is bound to
become Episcopalian.<br />
<br />
Episcopalians strongly believe in Scripture, tradition and
reason. While they aren't sure what they believe about these three
things, there is almost universal agreement that that is hardly the
point.<br />
Episcopalians believe that everything in their life and faith is
improved by the presence of good food and drink, not including
lime-carrot jello, tropical punch koolaid, or canned tuna fish in any
form.<br />
Episcopalians believe that anything worth doing is especially
worth doing if it has an obscure title attached to it (e.g. sexton,
thurifer, suffragan, canon, dean).<br />
<br />
Likewise, Episcopalians believe that any place worth visiting is
greatly enhanced by a name that only obliquely describes it (e.g.,
nave, narthex, sacristy, undercroft, church school supply room).<br />
Episcopalians firmly believe that coffee hour is the eighth sacrament, but only if the coffee is caffeinated.<br />
<br />
Episcopalians believe that anthems are most efficacious if sung in Latin or German, especially during Lent.<br />
<br />
Episcopalians generally believe that they are the only people God trusts enough to take the summers off from Church.<br />
<br />
Some Episcopalians believe Rite I is the best expression of the
liturgy. Some believe Rite II is better. Most Episcopalians haven't
noticed the difference; they just hope the whole things gets over before
noon.<br />
<br />
<i>submitted by an Anonymous Episcopalian Ordinand</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="flood"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Fundamentalist and the Flood</h3>
A man was
sitting on his rooftop as floodwaters rose. When a boat came by to
rescue him, he refused, saying, "I don't need you, I trust in the Lord!"
The waters rose over his roof, and the man had to stand on his chimney.
When a second boat offered him rescue, he again refused, saying, "I
don't need you, I trust in the Lord." The waters continued to rise,
right up to the man's neck. A helicopter flew over, and the crew offered
to lower him a rope, but he refused a third time, claiming, "The Lord
will take care of his own!" Finally the waters rose over his head, and
he drowned.<br />
<br />
When he got to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter welcomed him
warmly, showed around Heaven, and asked if there was anything else he
could do for the man. "I want to see the Lord," said the man. "I have a
complaint." So, Saint Peter opened a pair of great golden doors to the
holy of holies, and there the man stood before the Almighty Throne.<br />
<br />
"I have a complaint," he said.<br />
<br />
"Shoot," said God.<br />
<br />
"I trusted in you, I called on you, and you let me drown -- you IGNORED my prayers!"<br />
<br />
"C'mon!" said God. "I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><i> — From L. Pittenger</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="hitler"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Hitler in Heaven</h3>
Adolf Hitler showed up at the Pearly Gates.<br />
<br />
"Gee, Herr Hitler," stammered Saint Peter, "none of us expected
to see you here. Would you mind sharing accomodations with someone until
we can get a place built for you?" Hitler, considering that things
could have been much worse, was agreeable, and walked off to meet his
roomate.<br />
<br />
A few minutes later, he ran back, shouting, "Are you people crazy? You roomed me with a damned Jew!"<br />
<br />
"Not so loud," hissed Saint Peter, "he's the owner's Son!"<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><i> — From P. Foldes, RIP</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="fundieheaven"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
An Atheist in Heaven</h3>
A man died and appeared before the Pearly Gates. "Welcome," said Saint Peter warmly, "and which Heaven would you like to be in?"<br />
<br />
"What do you mean, 'which Heaven,'" asked the man.<br />
<br />
"Oh, we assign people to the Heaven of their choice, depending on their religion," answered the Saint. "So what's yours?"<br />
<br />
"I'm an Atheist," stammered the man.<br />
<br />
"Still?" asked St. Peter.<br />
<br />
"Well..."<br />
<br />
"Never mind," said the Saint. "I'll give you the tour. I do this for lots of folks."<br />
<br />
With that St. Peter led the man past all the various Heavens --
the Muslim Heaven of beautiful mats of green grass and bright flowers on
which blessed souls reclined while nubile houris ministered to their
every need, the Catholic Heaven where blessed souls drank sherry and
played bingo, the Jewish Heaven where blessed souls argued passionately
about politics and ate latkes -- Heaven after Heaven. Finally, they came
to a pair of heavy steel doors. "SHHH!" hissed St. Peter, and they
passed in complete silence.<br />
<br />
"What was that about?" asked the man, when they were out of earshot.<br />
<br />
"Oh, those are the Fundamentalists," answered the Saint. "It would ruin it for them if they knew anyone else was here."<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="marriedheaven"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Marriage in Heaven</h3>
A couple
was getting married when an earthquake struck, collapsing the church and
killing them just before they could take their vows. When they appeared
in Heaven, St. Peter welcomed them, showed them around, and asked if
there was anything else they wanted.<br />
<br />
"Well, you know we were about to get married when we were called
here," the bride said. "Can we finish the ceremony here? Can we get
married in Heaven?"<br />
<br />
"Let me check," said St. Peter. "I'll be back in a jiffy." Now, a
jiffy can mean different things in different places, and in Heaven
where the Eternal is the standard, it took about five years. Suddenly
the Saint returned and announced somewhat breathlessly, "Yes! You can
get married in Heaven."<br />
<br />
"Great," said the groom. "But in light of Eternity, we were wondering if we could get divorced if things don't work out."<br />
<br />
"Give me a break," pleaded St. Peter. "It took me five years to find a preacher up here, and now you want an attorney?!!"<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><i> — From L. Pittenger</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="priestgolf"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Golfer Priest</h3>
A priest got
such a bad case of burn-out that one Sunday, he just called in sick, and
went out for a surreptitious solo round of golf. On his first drive, he
hit a hole in one. And again on his second, and his third. On seeing
this, one of the angels in Heaven said, "God, this man turned away from
your service today, and you're rewarding him!"<br />
<br />
"Oh, yeah?," said God. "Who's he going to tell about it?"<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="lightbulb"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Denominations by Lightbulb</h3>
How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?<br />
<ul>
<li>Charismatics: Only one. Their hands are already in the air.</li>
<li>Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.</li>
<li>Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.</li>
<li>Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.</li>
<li>Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.</li>
<li>Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.</li>
<li>Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor
of or against the need for a light bulb; however, if, in your own
journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You
are invited to write poem or compose a modern dance about your personal
relationship with your light bulb and present it next month at our
annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of
light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,
long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to
luminescence.</li>
<li>Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and two or three committees to approve the change. And bring a casserole.</li>
<li>Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.</li>
</ul>
<i>— submitted by Rick Flynn</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="ferrari"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Blessing the Ferrari</h3>
A businessman
and motor enthusiast finally achieved the financial success that
enabled him to buy his dream car. Being devoutly religious, he went to
his priest, and asked, "Father, would you bless my Ferrari?"<br />
<br />
"Sure, I'd be glad to," smiled the priest. "Bring the child in any time."<br />
<br />
<i>This won't do at all</i>, thought the man, who wanted a
blessing from someone who could appreciate all that his acquisition
meant to him. He excused himself, and went to look for another priest.
After a similar reaction, he decided to settle for a Protestant
blessing. He skipped the Episcopalians, figuring they were just JV
Catholics, and went straight to a Reformed (Calvinist) Pastor.<br />
<br />
"An inanimate object has no need of blessing," admonished the
pastor. "Particularly one that represents such a gratuitous display of
mis-spent wealth."<br />
<br />
In desperation, the man finally tried a Unitarian Universalist minister.<br />
<br />
"Wow! You got a Ferrari?!!" she exclaimed. "That's fantastic! What's a blessing?"<br />
<br />
<i>thanks to Dana Rowley, whose late father, a UU minister, told him this joke</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="numerology"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Numerology of the Beast</h3>
<table align="center">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>666</td>
<td>The Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>667</td>
<td>The Neighbor of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>660</td>
<td>Approximate Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>DCLXVI</td>
<td>Roman Numeral of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666.0000</td>
<td>High Precision Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>0.666</td>
<td>Number of the Millibeast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>/666</td>
<td>Common Denominator of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666*sqrt(-1)</td>
<td>Imaginary Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>sin(666)</td>
<td>Transcendental Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>1010011010</td>
<td>Binary Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>6666 6666 6666 6666</td>
<td>Credit Card Number of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666-66-6666</td>
<td>Social Security Number and Taxpayer ID of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>6-6666-6666-6</td>
<td>ISBN Number of the Beast's Book</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>1-666</td>
<td>Area Code of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>00666</td>
<td>Zip Code of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>66 & 66/100%</td>
<td>Purity of Beast's Soap</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>1-900-666-0666</td>
<td>Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66 per minute!</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>$665.95</td>
<td>Retail Price of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>$699.25</td>
<td>Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>$769.95</td>
<td>Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>$656.66</td>
<td>Walmart Price of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>$646.66</td>
<td>Next week's Walmart Price of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Phillips 666</td>
<td>Gasoline of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Route 666</td>
<td>Way of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666 F</td>
<td>Oven Temperature of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666k</td>
<td>Retirement Plan of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666 mg</td>
<td>Minimum Daily Requirement of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>6.66%</td>
<td>6-year CD interest rate, First Beast of Hell National Bank,<br />
$666 minimum deposit</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>DSM-666 (revised)</td>
<td>Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Lotus 6-6-6</td>
<td>Spreadsheet of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Word 6.66</td>
<td>Word Processor of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>i66686</td>
<td>CPU of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>666i</td>
<td>BMW of the Beast</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>6 iron, 6 iron, 6 iron</td>
<td>Contents of Beast's Golf Bag</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<i>After Jill Harvey, Andover Newton Theological School.
Submitted by Alice Haugen. Contributions from Tim Romano and Norman
Hinton.</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="pshift"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Unix Paradigm Shift Utility</h3>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" style="width: 491px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td align="left">PSHIFT(1)<b> </b></td>
<td align="center"><b>USER COMMANDS </b></td>
<td align="right">PSHIFT(1)</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>NAME</b><br />
pshift - paradigm shift utility<br />
<b>SYNOPSIS</b><br />
pshift [-zzeitgeist] [-rragelev] [-v] [-c] [-wn] [+|-n]<br />
<b>DESCRIPTION</b><br />
The pshift operator performs a paradigm shift on its input stream within the context of the current or specified zeitgeist.<br />
<b>OPTIONS</b><br />
<b>-z</b> Specify the zeitgeist context. May be specified here
or from the environment variable $ZEITGEIST. Supported values of
zeitgeist are judeo_christian (default), postcommunist, new_age, and
when_god_was_a_woman.<br />
<b>-r</b> Specify rage level. Acceptable values of ragelev are ennui (default), deep_seated, and consuming.<br />
<b>-v</b> Set to verbose mode. Normally pshift operates
silently; in verbose mode it publishes a 500+ page bestseller entitled
"Rethinking [input stream] in the [zeitgeist] Age" and then begins
soliciting honoraria until the operator types ctrl-c. On some systems it
runs for Congress.<br />
<b>-c</b> Set to collective IO. Normally pshift takes its input
from stdin and outputs to stdout; in collective mode it takes its input
from the Collective Unconscious and writes to the Body Politic.<br />
<b>-wn</b> Specify first, second, third or fourth wave.
Acceptable values for n are 0,1,2 or 3, with 2 (third wave) being the
default. [On Sun systems, the logical waves are 0,3,2,1, which map to
physical waves 0,1,2,3; see Sun Technical Manual for details.]<br />
<b>+|-n</b> Specifies the number of times to prepend 'post' to the zeitgeist context, if positive, or 'pre' if negative. The default is 11.<br />
<b>EXAMPLES</b><br />
source $DEITY | pshift -zpostcommunist -rdeep_seated -v +1<br />
On most systems, the above command will output a hardcover
volume called "Rethinking God in the Post-Postcommunist Era", in which
the irrelevence of erstwhile religious concepts is seen to have
triggered a global, deep-seated rage vis-a-vis traditional
sociopolitical norms leading to a premature breakdown of emerging
postsoviet infrastructure.<br />
pshift -znew_age -rennui<br />
The above command produces no output, but privately processes a
vague discontent which it will share if its space is honored. May be
redirected to /dev/null.<br />
pshift -c -w3 -1<br />
Taking its input from the collective unconscious, the above
command rejects the failed socioeconomic policies of the last thirty
years and replaces them with a futurist, fourth wave polemic of
traditional values, the two-parent family, and the supremacy of the
private sector that was the foundation of the American utopia of the
1950s. Use a prepend value of -2 to restore the American utopia of the
early Industrial Age, a value of -3 to restore the European utopia of
the Enlightenment, -4 for catholic hegemony, etc. (note: Requires grass
root permission. In verbose mode, it may also require a $4 million
advance.)<br />
<b>SEE ALSO</b><br />
backlash(1)<br />
<b>BUGS</b><br />
You must have root permission to use consuming rage.<br />
<i>submitted by <a href="http://kusmos.phsx.ukans.edu/%7Emelott/Melott.html" target="win2">Adrian Melott</a></i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="donkey"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Priest's Ass</h3>
<i>Here's one on the way the press can spin a story just by the phrasing the headlines:</i><br />
<br />
A priest wanted to raise money for his parish. After being told
that there was a fortune in horse racing he decided to purchase a horse
and enter him in the races. However, at the local auction the going
price for horses was so high he ended up buying a donkey. The priest
figured that since he had bought the donkey he might as well go ahead
and enter it in the races. To his suprise, the donkey came in third and
the next day the racing form carried the headline:<br />
<center>
"PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS"<br />
</center>
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in
the races again and this time it won. The racing form carried the
headline:<br />
<center>
"PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT"<br />
</center>
The Bishop was so upset by this kind of publicity that he
ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The racing
form then carried the headline:<br />
<center>
"BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS"<br />
</center>
This was too much for the bishop so he ordered the preacher to
get rid of the animal. The priest decided to give the donkey to a nun in
a nearby convent. The next day the headlines read:<br />
<center>
"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"<br />
</center>
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to
dispose of the donkey. She finally found a farmer who was willing to buy
the donkey for ten dollars. The next day the racing form carried the
headline:<br />
<center>
"NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS"<br />
</center>
They buried the Bishop the next day.<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="wheregod"></a><br />
<h3>
God is Missing</h3>
<i>On methods of religious instruction:</i><br />
<br />
A family just moved into a new town. They had two little
hyperactive little boys that just terrorized the teachers at their
previous school. The nearest school in their new town was a Catholic
school. They weren't Catholic, but they decided to send their two boys
there anyway, hoping that the Nuns' strict discipline would help the
boys straighten out. It was to no avail.<br />
<br />
One day, the younger of the two got caught for a not-so-minor
infraction, for which a Nun grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and
hauled him off to see to the head Priest.<br />
<br />
The head Priest glared at him and, hoping to instill a healthy
sense of shame and guilt in the boy, said, "Don't you know, that no
matter where you are or what you do, that God is always there, always
watching you? God is everywhere. He's at your home, here at school,
whereever you are, He is there, whether you are naughty, nice, good or
bad, He is always there watching you!"<br />
<br />
He continued in this vein for some time, and then asked the boy,
"Now, where is God?" The boy just shrugged. Again, the Priest asked,
"Where is God?" Again, the boy just shrugged. By now, the Priest was
getting upset, and pointed at the boy and asked, "WHERE IS GOD!!!?" The
boy looked around, under his chair, dropped his head down, and shrugged
once more. The Priest was furious by now, and yelled at the boy, "Go
Home! Get your mother, and bring her back here with you!"<br />
<br />
By this time, school was already out, and all the other kids had
gone home. The boy ran home, where he found his older brother playing
outside. "Get in the house...we're in big trouble," he said, pulling his
brother inside the house and into a closet.<br />
<br />
"What is it? What did we do?" asked the older boy.<br />
<br />
"God is missing," said the younger brother, "and they're blaming <b>us</b>!"<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="shark"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Atheist and the Shark</h3>
An
atheist, swimming in the ocean, sees an ominous dorsal fin, and heads
for his boat. When he looks over his shoulder, the fin is gone, but when
he turns toward his boat, he sees the horrifying spectacle of the Great
White Shark's jaws gaping directly ahead of him. Instinctively, he
screams, "Oh my God! Stop!"<br />
<br />
And <b>Time stops</b>. A pearly light shines down, and The Voice of God says," You, an atheist, call upon Me, in whom you do not believe?"<br />
<br />
The atheist, confused but knowing he can't lie his way out of
this one, replies, "True, I do not believe. In fact, if I survive this,
I'll probably think I had a hallucination. But, um... can you make the
shark believe?"<br />
<br />
"It shall be as you have spoken," replies The Voice.<br />
<br />
With that, the pearly light vanishes, Time resumes, and the
shark intones, "Lord, let me be truly thankful for what I am about to
receive..."<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="meat"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
They're made out of Meat</h3>
<i>What is man that thou art mindful of him?<br /> </i><br />
<i>Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth explorer force speaking to the commander in chief... </i><br />
"<a href="http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html" target="win2"><b>They're made out of Meat</b></a>," the famous piece by Nebula and Hugo Award winner <a href="http://www.terrybisson.com/" target="win2">Terry Bisson</a>!<br />
<div class="editorsnote">
<i>Sparrow</i> told us that this piece
once mistakenly posted here without attribution infringed on Bisson's
and OMNI magazine's copyright. Due to this embarrassment, VCBC has
adopted the following submission policy: If you wish us to post your
submission to VCBC, you must certify that you are the original author,
that you have the author's permission, or that your submission is in the
public domain. You assume liability for claims of copyright
infringement. And thanks to sparrow for helping us keep to the straight
and narrow!</div>
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="praisehymn"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Praise Choruses and Hymns</h3>
An old farmer goes to the city one weekend and attends the big city church. He comes home and his wife asks him how it was.<br />
<br />
"Well," says the farmer, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns."<br />
<br />
"Praise choruses," says the wife, "What are those?"<br />
<br />
"Oh, they're ok. They're sort of like hymns, only different," says the farmer.<br />
<br />
"Well, what's the difference?" asks his wife.<br />
<br />
The farmer says, "Well, it's like this - If I were to say to
you: 'Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well, that would be a hymn. If,
on the other hand, I were to say to you:<br />
<br />
'Martha, Martha, Martha,<br />
Oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA.<br />
The cows,<br />
the big cows,<br />
the brown cows,<br />
the black cows,<br />
the white cows,<br />
the black and white cows<br />
the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn,<br />
are in the corn,<br />
are in the corn,<br />
are in the corn,<br />
the CORN,CORN, CORN.'<br />
<br />
Then if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well that would be a praise chorus."<br />
<br />
The same Sunday, a young, new Christian from the city attends
the small town church. He returns home and his wife, also named Martha,
asks how it was.<br />
<br />
"Well," says the young man, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs."<br />
<br />
"Hymns," says his wife, "What are those?"<br />
<br />
"Oh, they're ok. They're sort of like regular songs, only different." says the young man. <br />
<br />
"What's the difference?" asks the wife.<br />
<br />
The young man says, "Well, It's like this - If I were to say to
you, 'Martha, the cows are in the corn,' that would be a regular song.
If on the other hand, I were to say to you:<br />
<br />
'Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry<br />
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.<br />
Turn thou thy whole wonderous ear by and by<br />
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.<br />
For the way of the animals who can explain<br />
There in their heads is no shadow of sense.<br />
Hearkenest they not in God's sun or his rain<br />
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.<br />
<br />
Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,<br />
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.<br />
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night<br />
They all my mild Chilliwick sweet corn have chewed.<br />
<br />
So look to that bright shining day by and by,<br />
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.<br />
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry<br />
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.'<br />
<br />
Then, if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn."<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="oracle"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Priest and the Drunkard</h3>
A
priest is walking down the street when he recognizes a homeless man
drinking from a bottle in a paper sack as one of his former parishoners.<br />
<br />
"Bill, what on earth has happened to you?" He asks the man.<br />
<br />
"Business went bad. Couldn't make payroll. Lost everything. Crawled into the bottle..." mumbled Bill, forlornly.<br />
<br />
"I''ll tell you what," said the priest. "I'll set you up in a
hotel down the street for a couple of nights. Maybe you can get yourself
cleaned up and think about getting your life back together."<br />
<br />
The hotel turns out to be a flophouse, but its clean enough, and in the nightstand lies a Gideon Bible.<br />
<br />
"Here's what I want you to do," says the priest. "When you wake
up tomorrow morning, before you do anything else — and certainly before
you take another drink — take out this Bible, close your eyes, and let
it fall open wherever the Lord lets it. Then, without looking, bring
your finger down on the page. Then open your eyes, and open your heart,
and read whatever is under your finger. Maybe the Lord will have a
message for you that will help you get your life back in order."<br />
<br />
A couple of months later, the same priest is walking down the
same street, when a beautiful new car pulls up, and the driver, wearing a
brand new suit and tie, calls to him. Sure enough, it's Bill.<br />
<br />
"Wow," said the priest. "You sure seem to have turned things around!"<br />
<br />
"I sure did," answered Bill, "and I have you and the good Lord to thank for it."<br />
<br />
"Did you take my advice about that Bible, putting your finger down on a verse with your eyes closed, and all that?"<br />
<br />
"Absolutely," said Bill, and that's what saved me.<br />
<br />
"Well, if it's too personal you don't have to answer, but I'd love to know what it said, if you don't mind."<br />
<br />
Bill smiled and answered, "Chapter 11."<i> — From L. Pittenger</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="kkk"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Minister and the KKK</h3>
A Christian Fundamentalist preacher finishes the announcements to his congregation on Sunday with:<br />
<br />
"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong
to the Klu Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian
community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept
this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness
from God and this Christian family."<br />
<br />
No one moved.<br />
<br />
The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me
and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, before God and this
congregation you will be forgiven and be filled with glory. Now stand
and confess your transgression."<br />
<br />
Again, no one moved.<br />
<br />
Then slowly, a beautiful blonde woman with a figure that would stop traffic rose from the third pew.<br />
Her voice quavered as she spoke with bowed head:<br />
<br />
"Reverend somehow there has been a misunderstanding. I never
said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I simply told one of my
friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." <br /><br />— <i>From D. Butler</i><br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="sleeper"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Sleeping in the Front Pew</h3>
A
Christian Fundamentalist preacher becomes annoyed when one of his
parishoners falls asleep in the front pew during the sermon. Resolving
to embarass the man, the preacher speaks ever more softly, until the
people in the back pew can just hear his voice. Quietly he says,
"Whoever of you who knows that you're saved, and knows you're going to
Heaven, please stand up."<br />
<br />
Everyone stands up but the sleeping man in the front pew. A quiet titter runs through the congregation.<br />
<br />
Softly the preacher says, "Now I want whoever of you who knows you're lost, and knows you're going to Hell..."<br />
<br />
And then he shouted at the top of his lungs, "STAND UP!"<br />
<br />
At that the congregation fell to their seats, while the sleeper jumped to his feet, blinked, and looked around.<br />
<br />
"I don't know what we're voting on, Reverend," he said, "but without me, you'd be the only one for it."<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="eucharisticcongress"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
The Eucharistic Congress</h3>
During
a Eucharistic Congress, a number of religious Catholics from different
orders are gathered in a church for Vespers. While they are praying, a
fuse blows and all the lights go out.<br />
<ul>
<li>The Benedictines continue praying from memory, without missing a beat.</li>
<li>The Jesuits begin to discuss whether the blown fuse means they are dispensed from the obligation to pray Vespers.</li>
<li>The Franciscans compose a song of praise for God's gift of darkness.</li>
<li>The Dominicans revisit their ongoing debate on light as a signification of the transmission of divine knowledge.</li>
<li>The Carmelites fall into silence and slow, steady breathing.</li>
</ul>
The parish priest, who is hosting the others, goes to the basement and replaces the fuse.<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/null" name="priestnun1"></a><br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
A Priest and a Nun share a Room</h3>
A priest and a nun traveled to a convention only to find that
their hotel reservations had been lost. Now there was only one room in
town for the two of them, and the heat was barely functioning. Having no
other choice, the priest and nun agreed to share it. They took turns
using the bathroom to change into their nightclothes, and settled down
to sleep, the nun in the bed, and the priest on the couch.<br />
<br />
After a few minutes the nun began to shiver so hard that her
teeth chattered, at which point the priest got up, fetched an extra
blanket from the closet, laid it over the nun, and went back to his
couch.<br />
<br />
After another few minutes, the nun's teeth were chattering again, and again the priest got her another blanket.<br />
<br />
Hardly a minute had passed, and the nun's teeth resumed chattering yet again.<br />
<br />
"There's only one solution for this," said the priest. "We're going to have to pretend that we're married. Are you ready?"<br />
<br />
"I suppose so," stammered the nun.<br />
<br />
"Great," said the priest. "Now, get up and get your own damn blanket."Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-10016670460691338432016-11-07T12:07:00.000-08:002016-11-07T12:07:05.218-08:00Some of Our Favorite Comments<style>p.aa{color:blue}p.bb{color:grey}</style><br />
<br />
Here are some of our favorites among the comments we have received over the years:<br />
<br />
<p class="aa">Your site was mentioned on a cartoonist's online bulletin board (by a minister cartoonist), and I'd like to applaud the spirit, humor, and intellect behind your words. As an atheist who often shrinks in the company of stern righteousness (secular and otherwise), I felt a positive glow after reading some of your essays... Your words struck with the smack of a punchline, with a residual, thoughtful sting. Great work.</p> <p class="bb">I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! Keep it up; Christ is shining through you in spite of yourself.</p> <p class="aa">I will pray for ALL of you...Im sorry to hear that you are all so lost!!</p> <p class="bb">Bravo, bravo, bravo! I so thoroughly enjoyed everything I read on your website. ...I am a practicing Sufi initiate and a minister in both the Unitarian Universalist and Sufi traditions. <br /> <br />When I think of what it took to create this website, I am awed and appreciative. What a work of love!</p> <p class="aa">Non-judgemental, but firm in your beliefs...a rare combination. Everything about this "church" is praiseworthy, especially ye olde Pooper Scooper admitting his own fallibility.</p> <p class="bb">I STILL HOLD TO MY CHRIST AND HE STILL LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF OTHERS, I WAS ONCE LIKE YOU 10 YEARS AGO. JESUS FORGIVES . WE ALL (YOU TOO) HAVE FALLEN SHORT, BUT I WILL GET UP AGAIN,AND TRY AGAIN.BECAUSE HE HAS DONE SO MUCH FOR ME...</p> <p class="aa">Hooray [for your <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/abortion.html">abortion plank</a>]! I regret that your web site is the only place that I have ever seen this uncomfortable subject treated in a reasonable, intelligent manner. Now, how about a <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/reefer.html">marijuana plank</a>?</p> <p class="bb">How could you be so confused and mixed up. St. Augustine did not "dream up" the idea of the <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/devspeak.html">devil</a>. The Bible teaches this! Better stop smokin' that funny stuff.</p> <p class="aa">Thank you for the challenge you offer the Church. Evangelism is not changing opnion but introducing that which changes lives. The "Church" needs a swift kick in the ass when it forgets the great commission to love God and people, is an inclusive proposal.</p> <p class="bb">You need to get a grip. Take some time, STUDY GOD HOLY SOVERIGN WORD!!!! I pray That HE will give you insight to your misconceptions.</p> <p class="aa">... this is exactly what I liked so much about the site: that it is theologically absolutely clean and well done besides the humour. (And I think one wouldn't catch the humour if one wouldn't take the stuff underneath seriously!) Within theological circles your opinions are mainstream (even though usually expressed wthout <i>any</i> humour) and I often wondered how come that the gap between theological academics and Christian people can be so wide ...</p> <p class="bb">Do you have anything to do with dragging <a href="http://www.jvim.com/" target="win2">Jack van Impe</a>'s name through the mud? If you do you are wrong! You guys need mental help!</p> <p class="aa">This is the most refreshing site I have ever seen. Much to sooth the weary soul. (From a clergy person.)</p> <p class="bb">Very intriguing, and it's the best presence of Christianity on the Web that I have ever seen (and believe me, that is quite a compliment to come from me). Based on what I've seen so far, I can appreciate the rather enlightened and healthy attitude you have taken with regard to Christianity, even though I'm not a Christian, myself (I was at one time, and you might be amused to learn that I studied Greek, Hebrew, and archaeological/Biblical history throughout college).</p> <p class="aa">I find the fact that you desecrate the holy Church in such a manor quite and outrage. Chihuahuas have no place in religion</p> <p class="bb">This is a rich, amusing, yet thought-provoking site... As a gay man who used to be a fundamentalist (before I accepted I was gay), I'm heartened to learn that at least <i>some </i>people don't need to equate spiritual purity with hatred of those with different lifestyles. I think it's beautiful. And, I emitted many guffaws while reading your texts. Wonderful!</p> <p class="aa">You have created a brief page on <a href="../chapel/islam.html">Islam</a> with tons of errors...Either you will accept the truth, or you will dismiss everything but your own opinion as bias... The Jews and Christians of today know about Muhammad, and are required to accept him... By Allah all the blasphemy you people speak is dropping you years into the Hellfire. So fear God and repent... I know because I USED TO BE A CHRISTIAN.</p> <p class="bb">[I went through] your site with fine comb and the more I read it the more I liked it - it is the first time in my experience that such accurate information about <a href="../chapel/islam.html">Islam</a> was available from a Christian site and your depth of knowledge about Islam also amazed me.</p> <p class="aa">Well done! You put rational thoughts for a caring society; a society with tolerance; and a society that should listen instead of simply screaming the blind platitudes of the leader of the pack...</p> <p class="bb">You are the stupidest peaple I ever heard!</p> <p class="aa">One can see a lot more if one admits he is blind and one can fit a lot better in the Universe if one admits he is small. Because if we all fail in admitting this, none of us will ever see and none of us will ever feel comfortable living even in the vastness of the spiritual and physical cosmos.Thus what better symbolism for such declaration of understanding than a "Blind Chihuahua" in the vastness of the world wide web.</p> <p class="bb">I fear that you are somewhat mislead about Christianity and homosexuality. From what I have read in various translations and transliteration, the teachings are quite clear. Homosexuality is incompatible with the Christian faith. Yes, love the sinner, but it is still clear that homosexuality is sin. Please do not consider this as flaming, rather, I am merely operating on several platforms at once, ranging from political party leader to ordained minister. I ask that you do not reply to this as I am really not interested in a response. I am already repulsed.</p> <p class="aa">Every time I visit VCBC, I wonder why it seems so hard to get our brothers and sisters on the far right to listen. There seems to be a hardening of positions on both the left (what's left of it) and the right to the point that it very likely will come to blows. I see this happening not only in the U.S. but also around to world. Reading your essays and some of the comments brings a little sanity back into my corner of the Universe.</p> <p class="bb">I'm an atheist, and I think that most organized religions are some of the most evil things mankind has managed to produce. Your website, on the other hand, is wonderful. Well, the site's not so hot, but the message is great ;-) I generally dislike/hate/make fun of anyone who believes (or, more often, has been taught that they believe) in God, but you sir, are a gem and should keep on truckin'.</p> <p class="aa">You are a terrific pastoral theologian. That's a biblical theologian's way of saying that you seem to have a great heart for the Gospel in the context of interpersonal relationships, <i>i.e.</i>, you know when the Right Answer isn't as good as simply being a servant.</p> <p class="bb">Just had to tell you that I was amazed by the beautiful pictures you have taken!! Your site came up on a search I did for cherry blossoms and your pictures took my breath away.</p> <p class="aa">Thank you for providing a life-giving "virtual" oasis for these less than encouraging times in which we live! Finding VCBC was like getting a suprise gift!</p> <p class="bb">I just returned to the VCBC after many years of being away. The refreshing air and spirit is doing wonders for me. I was rummaging through my computer room and found a dogchurch printout from 1998 and came home. Anyway, when I took physics in college I had a revelation. Consider light. [Maybe God is like] light that acts as both a particle and a wave. The particle is when God aims at and hits, me, one on one, while as a wave He sweeps over everything, very inclusive. Thank you for your web page and Blessings on you.</p> <p class="aa">This is the most idiotic website ive ever seen! You must be a moron to even think of makeing a website this stupid. Im not a person to swear but this website is bloody shit!</p> <p class="bb">Actually fronts for a sophisticated Christian site. Charming nevertheless. - <a href="http://www.religiousworlds.com/virtual/religions.html" target="win2">Gene Thursby</a></p> <p class="aa">Here's a guy who has baptized libertinism and skepticism, and wants to call it faith. No Thanks. - <a href="http://www.spurgeon.org/~phil/bookmark/realbad.htm" target="win2">Phil Johnson</a></p> Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-27430897491479984642016-11-06T21:09:00.000-08:002016-11-06T21:09:11.044-08:00Prayer of St. Francis<div id="main">
<b>Lord</b>, make me an instrument of Your peace:<br />
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;<br />
where there is injury, pardon;<br />
where there is doubt, faith;<br />
where there is despair, hope;<br />
where there is darkness, light;<br />
where there is sadness, joy.<br />
<br />
<b>O, Divine Master</b>:<br />
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;<br />
to be understood as to understand;<br />
to be loved as to love.<br />
For it is in giving that we receive;<br />
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;<br />
it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #999999;">St. Francis, born into a wealthy family, forsook his social status and
founded an order of friars who embraced poverty in order to attain a
purity of faith and practice. </span><br />
</div>
Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-8818778692215703052016-11-06T21:03:00.000-08:002016-11-06T21:03:24.415-08:00The Commodore's Prayer<div style="text-align: center;">
Words to Live By</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><a href="http://www.baltimoresun.com/" target="win2">The Baltimore Sun</a></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
16 December 1962</div>
<br />
<div id="main">
<b>Lord</b>, thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from the craving to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.<br />
<br />
<b>Keep my mind</b> free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of other's pains, but help me to endure them with patience.<br />
<br />
<b>I dare not ask</b> for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.<br />
<br />
<b>Keep me</b> reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint -- some of them are so hard to live with -- but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people. And give me, Lord, the grace to tell them so.<br />
<br />
<b>Amen.</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #999999;">My grandmother kept a copy of this prayer on her nightstand.</span><b><span style="color: #999999;"> </span></b></div>
</div>
Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-53927942048323256272016-11-06T20:06:00.001-08:002016-11-06T20:06:20.983-08:00Bill of No Rights<div id="subtitle" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">For those confused by the Bill of Rights</span></div>
<div id="byline">
<br /></div>
<div id="byline" style="text-align: center;">
by Lewis W. Napper</div>
<div id="topquote">
<span class="quotesource"></span>
</div>
<div class="editorsnote">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="editorsnote">
<span style="color: #999999;">The copyright on this belongs to Lewis W. Napper. Since his website is no more, we reproduce it here. It was meant to be funny.</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="editorsnote">
<br /></div>
<div id="main">
We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden
delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.<br />
<br />
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of
people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they
require a Bill of No Rights.<br />
<ol>
<li>You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or
any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire
them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.<br /> </li>
<li>You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone—not just you!
You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion,
etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the
tool manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently
wealthy.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans
are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone
in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation
after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more
than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in
public health care.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and kill you.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you
rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,
don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
life of leisure.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to demand that our children risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to
fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire
world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and
every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to
have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.<br /></li>
<li>You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to <i>pursue</i>
happiness—which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by
an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those around you who were
confused by the Bill of Rights.</li>
</ol>
</div>
Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-82356275517736975002016-11-06T19:59:00.000-08:002016-11-06T19:59:26.839-08:00Science & Poitics<span style="color: #999999;">An oldie but goodie, circulating the net for some time now...</span><br />
<br />
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced his
altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me... can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an
hour ago, but I don't know where I am."<br />
<br />
The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon approximately
30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North
latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."<br />
<br />
"You must be a scientist," said the balloonist.<br />
<br />
"I am," said the woman, "How did you know?"<br />
<br />
"Well", answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
information, which means I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much
help so far."<br />
<br />
The woman below responded. "You must be a politician."<br />
<br />
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"<br />
<br />
"You don't know where you are or where you're going," replied
the woman. "You have risen to your present height due to nothing more
than the bouyancy of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea
how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem."<br />
<br />
She continued after a moment: "Moreover, you are in exactly the
same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my
fault."Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-9426488581899245372016-10-30T20:53:00.001-07:002016-11-05T18:53:14.162-07:00Consolidating our AssetsI am transferring the files of The Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua (VCBC) to this blog, in preparation to close down the VCBC's original URL <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/">www.dogchurch.org</a>. This change will eliminate expenses for web hosting and domain registration, and allow the pieces of VCBC to remain accessible on the web indefinitely.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-7763947916398084342015-12-25T16:21:00.000-08:002016-11-07T16:23:20.481-08:00A Laywer's Christmas Card<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">In Politically Correct Legalese</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
by Author Identity Requested</div>
<br />
<br />
From us ("the wishors") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"):<br />
<br />
Please accept without obligation, explicit or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions.<br />
<br />
Please also accept, under aforesaid waiver of obligation on your part, our best wishes for a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of this calendar year of the Common Era, but with due respect for the calendars of all cultures or sects, and for the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.<br />
<br />
By accepting this greeting you acknowledge that:<br />
<br />
This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal at the wishor's discretion.<br />
<br />
This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.<br />
<br />
This greeting implies no warranty on the part of the wishors to fulfill these wishes, nor any ability of the wishors to do so, merely a beneficent hope on the part of the wishors that they in fact occur.<br />
<br />
This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishors.<br />
<br />
This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.<br />
<br />
The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.<br />
<br />
Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
<i>Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe</i><br />
Attorneys at Law<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #999999;">This made the email rounds back in the day. It isn't from "Car Talk." We
just liked the name of their law firm. Merry Everything, everyone!</span>Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-30438476842223289632015-11-07T16:17:00.000-08:002016-11-07T16:19:35.398-08:00Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">Answers to one of Life's Great Questions</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
by Originator Identity Requested</div>
<br />
Plato:<br />
To seek the Good for the polity of poultry. — PS<br />
<br />
Karl Marx:<br />
It was a world-historical inevitability arising from the class struggle between those who labor at transportation and those who own the means of transportation. Sooner or later, some chicken or other was bound to start the revolution. — PS<br />
<br />
Andersen Consultant:<br />
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.<br />
<br />
Thomas de Torquemada:<br />
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll tell you everything you want to know.<br />
<br />
Timothy Leary:<br />
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.<br />
<br />
James Dean:<br />
To lay it on the line.<br />
<br />
Marlon Brando:<br />
Because someone made it an offer it couldn't refuse.<br />
<br />
Nietzsche:<br />
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.<br />
<br />
Oliver North:<br />
Realizing that National Security was at stake, it went above the Rules of the Road.<br />
<br />
Carl Jung:<br />
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.<br />
<br />
Jean-Paul Sartre:<br />
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.<br />
<br />
Ludwig Wittgenstein:<br />
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.<br />
<br />
Albert Einstein:<br />
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.<br />
<br />
William Shakespeare:<br />
In the great hand of God I stand, and so proclaim mine admiration. Had I beheld so bold a crossing of so great an highway, I had said fain would the chicken bestride the road like a colossus, but for that the road, trembling before its fowlness, did lurch behind the bird, producing the similitude of poultry in motion. — PS<br />
<br />
Martin Luther:<br />
Relying soley on Scripture, it did so soley for the Glory of God!<br />
<br />
Buddha:<br />
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.<br />
<br />
Salvador Dali:<br />
The Fish.<br />
<br />
Charles Darwin:<br />
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.<br />
<br />
Emily Dickinson:<br />
Because it could not stop for death.<br />
<br />
Ralph Waldo Emerson:<br />
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.<br />
<br />
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:<br />
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.<br />
<br />
Ernest Hemingway:<br />
To die. In the rain.<br />
<br />
David Hume:<br />
Out of custom and habit.<br />
<br />
Saddam Hussein:<br />
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.<br />
<br />
Jack Nicholson:<br />
'cause it f.....g wanted to. That's the f.....g reason.<br />
<br />
Ronald Reagan:<br />
Because of its committment to the values that made this country great — freedom and personal responsibility. It was as if the chicken was saying, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear up this road!" — PS<br />
<br />
John Sununu:<br />
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.<br />
<br />
Sappho:<br />
Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.<br />
<br />
Henry David Thoreau:<br />
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.<br />
<br />
Mark Twain:<br />
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.<br />
<br />
Stephen Jay Gould:<br />
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.<br />
<br />
William Shatner:<br />
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.<br />
<br />
Neil Armstrong:<br />
That's one small step for a chicken... one giant leap for chicken-kind.<br />
<br />
Machiavelli:<br />
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.<br />
<br />
Hippocrates:<br />
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.<br />
<br />
William Dembski:<br />
Note that the chicken crossed a considerable width of highway, which it could not have done in time to avoid being hit by a car if it had been wandering randomly. Obviously, the chicken had some sort of intelligent design. — PS<br />
<br />
Johnny Rotten:<br />
Because he was stapled to the ear of a punk rocker.<br />
<br />
George W. Bush:<br />
To pre-empt the danger gathering on the other side. — PS<br />
<br />
Bill Maher:<br />
"That's what's wrong with this country; a chicken can't cross the road without someone on the other side questioning why she crosses it!" — thanks to Andy Busch<br />
<br />
Billy Graham:<br />
"If you're a chicken here tonight, and you feel God calling you to cross the road, I want you to leave your side of the road and join me on the other side; counselors will be waiting for you." — thanks to Andy Busch<br />
<br />
Larry the Cable Guy:<br />
"Why did the chicken cross the road? Why, hell, so I could hit 'er with m'truck and bring 'er home fer supper! GIT-'ER-DONE!" — thanks to Andy BuschScooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-62280474710498314832014-11-07T08:32:00.000-08:002016-11-07T08:40:54.060-08:00Frequently Asked Questions<div id="main">
<b>Do you worship a dog?</b><br />
<br />
No. The Most churches play religion as a team sport, with God as
their mascot instead of their Captain. We live our religion, with the
Blind Chihuahua as our <em>totem</em>, and God as our co-pilot. (We
think God wants us to pilot our own lives, but that God is always
available to help. We first saw the phrase "God is my co-pilot"
emblazoned on the back of a garbage truck that ran over a neighbor's dog
in the 1960's.) The Blind Chihuahua reminds us that "now we see through
a glass darkly." — <i>1 Cor 13:12</i><br />
<br />
<b>What do you mean by "The Courage to be Ridiculous before God?</b><br />
<br />
Conservative churches emphasize that people have gone bad,
liberal churches emphasize that people were created good. We emphasize
that people are funny, and that God has a sense of humor. "The Courage
to be Ridiculous before God" is part of what it takes to admit the truth
about ourselves, namely that sometimes, even when we are at our most
serious, we humans are just plain silly. This is a form of confession,
made endurable, even enjoyable, by humor. It also pokes fun at Paul
Tillich's book, <i>The Courage to Be</i>.<br />
<br />
<b>What about VCBC's other slogans and its Logo?</b><br />
<br />
"We can't be right about everything we believe. Thank God, we
don't have to be," is a re-statement of the mainstream Protestant tenet
that the source of Salvation is God, not one's own efforts or opinions.
Good works and good opinions are expressions of salvation, not a cause
of it. So relax. You don't have to get is exactly right. Which is a good
thing, because we humans can't get it exactly right. We are all like
little Blind Chihuahuas.<br />
<br />
"There is more to Religion than pleasing your Imaginary Friend,"
is a caution against the idolatry that contaminates belief. In so much
of Religion, believers project elements of themselves and their cultures
onto their concept of Divinity, and then, based on obedience to that
projection, proceed to sin against themselves, their fellow humans,
Nature, and God. We recommend a little humility before trying to do
God's Service. As we said, we are all like little Blind Chihuahuas.<br />
With that as preamble, the Blind Chihuahua is a <em>totem</em> that does <strong><em>not</em></strong> stand for God. It stands for <strong><em>us</em></strong>. For the evolution of our Logo's appearance, click <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/narthex/logos.html">here</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Is VCBC a real church?</b><br />
<br />
VCBC is a collection of magnetized micro-domains on a hard disk
spinning in a vault owned by our web service provider. At your request
they are translated into voltage pulses and sent to your computer, which
displays them on your screen as colored dots. What your eyes and brain
do from there is your business. In other words, VCBC is all in your
mind. If your mind is real, that's good enough for us. Right. Here's a <a href="http://dogchurch.blogspot.com/2007/01/what-is-church-anyway.html">serious answer</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Does VCBC have members?</b><br />
<br />
Since every sentient being is a virtual Blind Chihuahua with
respect to God (or Ultimate Reality), everyone is a member of The
Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua. We find that VCBC members are
usually:<br />
<ol>
<li type="1"><strong>In Denial.</strong> Most people are
scandalized by VCBC, or would be if they knew about it. They deny that
they are members, and we agree with them, so as to reduce church
conflict. Since our opinions do not count, this makes them members.
</li>
<li type="1"><strong>In Virtual Reality.</strong> Many people like
VCBC, or would if they knew about it. In one way or another, they
acknowledge that when it comes to God (or Ultimate Reality), we are all
like little Blind Chihuahuas, as we said above.
</li>
<li type="1"><strong>In Real Virtuality.</strong> Some people do things like recommending VCBC to their friends, giving us money, buying and wearing/displaying our <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/dogchurch" target="win2">stuff</a>, or posting comments on our <a href="http://dogchurch.blogspot.com/">blog</a>(s),
or even contributing their creative works (in digital format) to our
sites. They not only acknowledge their chihuahuahood, they celebrate it.
BTW, we are seeking bi-lingual moderators so that we may offer our
forum in more languages and provide translations of sites like this one.
</li>
</ol>
<b>Does VCBC have priests?</b><br />
<br />
We have priests, pastors, bishops, metropolitans, popes, imams,
yogis, monks, shamans, etc. Your religious credentials are as valid in
VCBC as anywhere.<br />
<br />
<b>If VCBC is so inclusive, what's with all the Christian stuff?</b><br />
<br />
This (the first, and so far the only) manifestation of VCBC is predominately Christian, because its maintenance person (aka the <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/narthex/bio.html">Pooper Scooper</a>)
is Christian. Other manifestations may predominately express other
religions. (In the unlikely event that you wish to manifest VCBC in
another language or religion, contact us
and we'll work something out.) If this website's inclusion of the
wisdom of other faiths seems in your eyes to water down its
Christianity, try somewhere else. It's a big web and the standard stuff is easy to find.<br />
<br />
<b>Then what's the point?</b><br />
<br />
We are all doing our best to be faithful to God according to our
various religions. Unfortunately, that best needs help. Look at all the
conflict in the world, much of which is about matters of belief. Rather
than fight over religion, we want to help each other to be as honest as
we possibly can to God, ourselves, each other, and our world. If you
respond to this by changing your religion, don't blame us. We are not
responsible for what you believe. What you believe is between you and
God, even if you're an atheist. Since Fundamentalists think <em>they</em> are responsible for what you believe, which leads them to try to <em>control</em> what you believe, we believe they are legitimate targets for humor, as are we all.<br />
<br />
<b>How does VCBC define Christianity?</b><br />
<br />
Lean and mean, like St. Paul: "I knew only Christ, and him
crucified." We think that to be a Christian means to experience God
through Christ. We believe that Christ was God experiencing life and
death (at our hands) as an ordinary guy, and that Christ rose from the
dead to lead us to eternal life. However, since those who focus
exclusively on the life to come often neglect to care for those they
meet in the here and now (think what a jerk Tolstoy was to his wife, for
example) we tend to focus on the path immediately ahead of us. We trust
God to take care of our ultimate destination.<br />
<br />
<b>Does VCBC maintain that the Bible is true?</b><br />
<br />
We believe that every word in the Bible is as intended by God
for us to receive, including all the contradictions, redactions, and
factual errors which have been noted by the last two centuries of
archaeological and literary-historical critical analysis of the Bible
and extra-biblical texts. All of those little problems are puzzles for
the reader that enhance the Bible's power to awaken the Light of Truth
within you. They also serve as a sign that we should worship God, not
our Scriptures.<br />
<br />
<b>What about the Scriptures of other religions?</b><br />
<br />
God's Truth is <em>infinite</em>, and therefore cannot be
confined to any finite string of words, no matter whose Scripture it is.
God's Truth is everywhere. It leaks into the Scriptures of religions
other than your own. It lives in your personal experience and in your
heart. It is stamped into every aspect of the cosmos, and it cannot be
confined even to <em>that</em>. And it is a living Truth, who seeks <em>you</em>. You cannot escape it forever.<br />
<br />
<b>What are VCBC's politics?</b><br />
<br />
If the shape of the political spectrum can be compared to a <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/politicass.html">dancer's butt, </a>then we have been flatulated up from the <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/politicass.html">center</a>. We vociferously oppose both <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/RightState.htm">right-wing</a> and <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/LeftState.htm">left-wing</a> fundamentalism in politics. We also support the appearance of "None of
the Above" on every ballot for elective office.<br />
<br />
<b>Who's in charge of VCBC?</b><br />
<br />
Since VCBC manifests itself only on the web, the maintenance person for this site, aka the Pooper Scooper,
is in charge. He consults other people on matters of taste, style and
content, but ultimately he gets the blame for what goes on here, because
he controls the site and writes most of the material. When the time
comes, he is counting on God to stop him dead in his tracks.<br />
<br />
<b>How long has this been going on?</b><br />
<br />
VCBC was launched on 4 July 1996.<br />
<br />
<b>Is VCBC subversive?</b><br />
<br />
Besides being a church, VCBC is also a miniscule conspiracy to
help virtues like civility, honesty, kindness, and common sense achieve
world domination, one mind at a time. Our weapons are humor and irony
guided by faith and reason. We make no apologies, and take no prisoners.
Resistance is futile.<br />
<br />
<b>Is the Blind Chihuahua theme a send-up of Shoko Asahara, the
blind leader of the Aum Shinrikyo cult that released nerve gas into the
Tokyo subway?</b><br />
<br />
Absolutely not. The original Blind Chihuahua lived in Austin,
Texas in the late 1970's. If we wanted to parody these folks, we would
create a ficticious character called <i>Shocko Assahola</i> and run with it. However, since these people are extremely dangerous kooks, we decided to let sleeping dogs lie, as it were.<br />
<br />
<b>Is the Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua affiliated with any recognizable religious denomination?</b><br />
<br />
This manifestation of VCBC is an unacknowledged, ecumenical boil on the bum of the <a href="http://www.elca.org/" target="win2">Evangelical Lutheran Church in America</a>.
Some have speculated that this is the ELCA's way of attempting to
reproduce asexually. Others deny this, on grounds that it would elevate
VCBC to the status of bastard child. Most believe that VCBC is a
non-serious local infection of the ELCA body politic that will go away
by itself.<br />
<br />
<b>Did you know there is <a href="http://www.vcbc.org/">Another VCBC</a>?</b><br />
<br />
Yup. They're a conservative Baptist congregation just down the road. If you don't like us, maybe you'll like them.<br />
<br />
<b>What's with the advertising? Are you just a bunch of capitalist tools?</b><br />
<br />
Actually, Capitalism is one of <i>our</i> tools. We use it
because the others don't make any money. If you think we go too far in
trying to serve both God and mammon, try visiting <a href="http://www.churchofcash.com/" target="win2">The Church of Cash</a>. In any case, our goal for ads, <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/dogchurch" target="win2">sales</a>, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/paypage/P2KA30DVIBKPG4" target="win2">donations</a>
is to pay our web-hosting expenses. If we ever make more than that, we
reserve the right to use it for whatever we wish, including but not
limited to bicycle parts, books, chocolate and beer. Oh, maybe a nice
dessert wine, or even a shrubbery.<br />
<br />
<b>Is the Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua affiliated in any way with Taco Bell?</b><br />
<b> </b> <b></b><br />
No. Our Chihuahua appeared first, and ours always wears dark
glasses, speaks without an accent, and has a penis. (Taco Bell's
Chihuahua is a female cross-dresser.) The Blind Chihuahua displays his
penis to honor those religionists who behave as if that organ were an
antenna that lets the bearer hear directly from God. We suggest that
they try another channel.<br />
</div>
Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-69766840016433156652014-01-09T13:13:00.000-08:002016-11-02T13:17:55.713-07:00A Religion Reading List<blockquote>We recommend reading from a variety of religious traditions to shake loose our prejudices gain a deeper understanding of our faith. Therefore we provide this list, to be read or not in the order that the spirit moves you.</blockquote><br />
<br />
<h3><a name="bible"></a>Bible Translations</h3> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0195284828/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The New Oxford Annotated Study Bible</cite></a>, NRSV version. The best of Protestant scholarship in translation and footnotes. The KJV in modern idiom. <b>Woody</b> recommends using the <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060655801/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">HarperCollins Study Bible</a></i> (another NRSV translation) alongside for its valuable reference material.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0195297512/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The New Jerusalem Bible</cite></a>, Regular Edition, 1985. The best of Catholic scholarship in translation and footnotes. Probably represents the Hebrew Bible more accurately than the NRSV or the KJV.</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0195297512/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">The Jewish Study Bible</a></i>, JPS translation of the Masoretic text with scholarly annotations. Draws upon 2300 years of Jewish Bible translation and commentary, gives insights that you just don't get from the other translations listed here. This is more like the Bible that Jesus knew.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0192830996/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Holy Bible</cite></a>, King James Version. The most beautiful translation when read aloud, the one we all quote from, but the one easiest to misunderstand. The English is that spoken just after Shakespeare's time.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1576831205/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Message: New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs</i></a>, Eugene H. Peterson, ed. A vigorous paraphrase from the vernacular of the past into the vernacular of the present. Recommended by <b>Woody</b>. There are also <i>Message</i> paraphrases of the Old Testament.</p> <h3><a name="jewc"></a>Judeo-Christian</h3> <!-- <p><a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-919631-531800" target="win2"><img src="http://www.qksrv.net/image-919631-531800" width="120" height="240" alt="Own videos about Faith and Inspiration." align="right" border="0" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a> --><br />
<p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0374513287/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Man is not Alone: A Philosophy of Religion</cite></a>, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. The grounding of faith in existential awe and wonder. By far the best non-scriptural book on religion VCBC's site maintenance person has ever read.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0374513317/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism</cite></a>, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. Written in 1955, a somewhat disappointing sequel to <cite>Man is Not Alone</cite>. Rather than a comprehensive philosophy of Judaism, it is a philosophy of fulfilling the <i>mitzvot</i>, the commandments, which is at the heart of observant Jewish religious life. While he makes a good case for being observant if you are a Jew, he shies away from dealing head-on with the Holocaust. He ignores the question of whether to resort to violence against evil, as well as perhaps the most urgent question posed by post-Holocaust Jews: "The personal, interfering God, who cares about what happens to me, died in the concentration camps," a relative once told me. Here Heschel is silent, and lets Hitler have his victory.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0316955140/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>This is my God</i></a>, Herman Wouk. Probably the best short introduction to Judaism in English. If you weren't raised Jewish, read this before delving into major works of Judaica, or before attending your first Seder.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1893361519/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Zohar Anotated and Explained</i></a>, Daniel C. Matt. Brief and "lite" introduction to Kabbalist (Kabbalah is a branch of Jewish mysticism) thought in the <i>Sefer ha Zohar</i> (Book of Radiance) written by Moses de Leon, a Spanish Jew, around A.D. 1280. In Kabbalist thought (believed to have originated in 12th century Provence) the single God is envisioned as a dynamic interplay among 10 components or emanations called <a href="http://www.inner.org/sefirot/sefirot.htm" target="win2">Sefirot</a>. And you thought the triune God of Christianity was complicated.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060611561/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy, and Fairy Tale</cite></a>, Frederick Buechner. Pathos and humor in the Bible for those who didn't know it was there.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0684815001/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Cost of Discipleship</cite></a>, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Defines the Christian ideal largely fallen short of in the 20th century.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=006130042X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Dynamics of Faith</cite></a>, Paul Tillich. Existentialist Christian definition of faith and its varieties. Tillich defines faith as a state of ultimate concern — whereas Heschel defines faith as a human response to God's concern for us. Read both and let the two tango.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0300002416/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Courage to Be</cite></a>, Paul Tillich. Existentialist Christianity defined and explored. Too thick for most readers, but very worthwhile for others.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0671214268/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>A History of Christian Thought</cite></a>, Paul Tillich. A readable history of how church dogma evolved. Marx and Hegel deserved his discussion of socialism and theology. Should perhaps be read alongside Paul Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0743282035/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>A History of Christianity</cite></a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0684826801/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Survival in Aushwitz</cite></a>, Primo Levi. What good men do to survive bad situations. No moral philosopher writing after 1960 deserves to be taken seriously if he or she has not read this book.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=067972186X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Drowned and the Saved</cite></a>, Primo Levi. More thoughts on what good men do to survive bad situations. No moral philosopher writing after 1990 deserves to be taken seriously if he or she has not read this book. Should be required reading before assuming positions of spiritual leadership, such as the papacy.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0391035339/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Eclipse of God</cite></a>, Martin Buber. What the modern age has done to religious consciousness, and why this need not (and must not) be.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060630353/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Who Wrote the Bible</cite></a>, Richard Elliot Friedman. The JEDPR (Jahwist-Elohist-Deuteronomist-Priest-Redactor) theory of the history and politics surrounding the construction of the Pentateuch (the five books of Moses in the Old Testament) explained.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0679736247/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Book of J</cite></a>, Harold Bloom and David Rosenberg. The J (Jahwist) part extracted and meditated upon. Bloom thinks J was a woman in King Solomon's court.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1555235735/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Who Tampered with the Bible</cite></a>, Patricia Eddy. The politics and history surrounding the construction of the New Testament. Eddy was a professional intelligence analyst, rather than a theologian, historian or a literary critic. However, the skills from her previous career serve her and the reader well in sleuthing out the various influences that came to bear on producing the NT canon.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0198261772/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Apocryphal Old Testament</i></a>, H. F. D. Sparks. The definitive collection and translation into English of writings from the Old Testament period that never made it into the Old Testament canon. Some of these works were known to and supported by early church Fathers, such as Origen, and others are referred to in canonical Old Testament passages. But they never won over most of their Jewish or Christian readers.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0198261217/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Apocryphal New Testament</i></a>, M. R. James, translator. The definitive collection and translation into English of writings about Jesus and the Apostles that never made it into the New Testament canon. Once you read a few of them, the reasons for their rejection will become clear. They simply convey no profound spiritual meaning that one might teach or preach from. They are uninspiring, and therefore presumably uninspired.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0713991313/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Complete Dead Sea Scrolls in English</cite></a>, Geza Vermes. Some of Jesus' statements in the NT seem to be targeted against or derivative from the beliefs and practices of the Essenes, an ascetic Jewish cult that left its literature in caves above Qumran. Vermes seems to provide the most authoritative translation into English.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060669357/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Nag Hammadi Library in English</cite></a>, James M. Robinson, editor. Translations of early pre-Christian and Christian Gnostic writings. Had the Gnostics survived, Christianity would be a lot more like Zen Buddhism that it is now. Notable is the "Gospel of Thomas," a non-narrative collection of sayings of Jesus.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0809131145/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Talmud: Selected Writings</cite></a>, translated by Ben Zion Bokser. The fast track through the spirituality in the great written commentary by which Rabbinic Judaism emerged from the destruction of the ancient Temple Cult. Indicates cross-pollination of emerging modern Judaism and early Christianity.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0451624742/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Confessions</cite></a>, St. Augustine. Essential reading if you want to understand St. Paul, or anyone else who has had the "Born Again" experience. Lest however, you become too enamored of the Augustine, you might also check out <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0521468434/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">City of God</a></i>. Valuable for its insights into Sin, it also contains Augustine's arguments against the existence of the antipodes. More than any single person, Augustine was responsible for Western Civilization forgetting that the world is round.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0671528165/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>People of the Lie: Hope for Healing Human Evil</cite></a>, M. Scott Peck. A psychiatrist's view of evil as a spiritual disease. Nice discussion of individual and group evil, including My Lai Massacre. See also <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0802724981/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Road Less Travelled</cite></a> about psychoanalysis as a form of confession, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=055337317X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>A World Waiting to Be Born: Civility Rediscovered</cite></a>, a practical guide to loving one's neighbors as oneself.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0679731180/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Origin of Satan</cite></a>, Elaine Pagels. Development of the Christian idea of Satan as the early church struggled against its enemies. Nice account of how St. Augustine used politics and power to further his ideas. Pagels, a Princeton professor of Religion, is generally excellent. See also <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0679724532/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Gnostic Gospels</cite></a>, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0679722327/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Adam, Eve, and the Serpent</cite></a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0374524866/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Death of Satan</cite></a>, Andrew Delbanco. Development of the American idea of Satan, and its demise as America loses its moral compass. Beautifully written, yet very scholarly.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0671867377/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The American Religion</cite></a>, Harold Bloom & William Golding. A good companion/background volume to Delbanco's book.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0800624769/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Dirt, Greed and Sex: Sexual Ethics in the New Testament and their Implications for Today</cite></a>, William Countryman. Makes it clear that none of Jesus' contemporaries considered him to represent "Family Values."</p> <p><a name="Jesusex" href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0829811443/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Sexuality of Jesus</cite></a>, William E. Phipps, 1996. An exploration of the tradition of celibacy, the Palestinian views of women & marriage, & the historical Jesus. Captivating remarks about the effects of the "celibate Jesus" myth upon the West. Recommended by <b>Jonathan Hoyt Harwell</b>.</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0385264259/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">A Marginal Jew: Rethinking the Historical Jesus</a></i>, John P. Meier, in four volumes, with a fifth in progress. This is a massive review and commentary on the field of research into what we can know of the historical Jesus. Meier's careful and exhaustive scholarship make this currently the definitive introduction to Jesus research for both the scholar and the layman. For a review <a href="../scriptorium/marjew.html">click here</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0393044726/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Divine Comedy</cite></a>, Dante. The cosmology is way off, but the taxonomy of Sin and Salvation is unmatched. John Ciardi's translation is the most readable and poetic one generally accessible, although it departs rather widely in places from the original Italian. Jeremy Shomer's is breathtaking but hard to get.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0684846381/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Mere Christianity</cite></a>, C. S. Lewis. An easy introduction to non-Fundamentalist Christianity for beginners.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0684823764/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Great Divorce</cite></a>, C. S. Lewis. A "lite" 20th century revision of Dante's journey. Notable for its interpretation of lust as a perversion of the desire for God.</p> <p><a name="WaitingGod" href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0785912495/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>L'Attente de Dieu</cite></a>, Simone Weil. English translation <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060902957/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Waiting for God</cite></a>. Recommended by <b>Matthew Smith</b>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0140445145/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Anti-Christ</cite></a>, Frederick Nietsche. A Lutheran pastor's son explains what is wrong with Christians. A must read for anyone who professes the faith.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0806505494/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Age of Reason</cite></a>, Thomas Paine. Patriot, deist, and skeptic, Paine skewers the preposterous in popular Christian belief — e.g., why Milton's <cite>Paradise Lost</cite> is such a groaner.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0679733736/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Myth of Sisyphus</cite></a>, Albert Camus. Famous French Existentialist demonstrates comvincingly that life without reference to God is absurd. Brilliant.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0140390340/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Varieties of Religious Experience</cite></a>, William James. Explores the different ways Born Agains, Saints, and others say they have experienced God.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0385196148/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Sadhana: A Way to God</cite></a>, Anthony de Mello. Christian prayer exercises in Eastern form.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0385030975/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Cloud of Unknowing</i></a>, Anonymous. Advice from a Medieval Christian spiritual guide on how to meditate. A little book, but a great classic.</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0385148038/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">The Wounded Healer</a></i> (a guide to personal ministry) and <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0824511840/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Life of the Beloved:Spiritual Living in a Secular World</a></i>, by Henri Nouwen. Recommended by <b>Woody</b>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0393310361/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Young Man Luther</cite></a>, Erik H. Erikson. A psychiatrist's insights into the personality of Martin Luther. One can gain an appreciation of how deeply Protestantism has been assimilated by its cultural milieu when one realizes that Martin Luther would never be accepted as a pastor in any contemporary Protestant church.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0800617533/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Martin — God's Court Jester: Luther in Retrospect</i></a>, Eric W. Gritsch. A retrospective look at Luther's life and work, his "neuralgic heritage," and his theological legacy. Gritsch surveys Luther with eyes open to his positive and negative contributions to Christian life and thought, from his celebrated 95 theses to his anti-Semitism, from his doctrine of "salvation by Grace through Faith," and his assertion of the primacy of Scripture to his creation of a schism that has lasted more than five centuries.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=D0800608259/virtuachruchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Book of Concord: Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church</cite></a>, Theodore G. Tappert, ed. The foundational documents of the Reformation, this somewhat dry and lengthy collection of writings defines the original Protestant theology (to which VCBC's Pooper Scooper adheres).</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060609389/thevirtuachurchoA/103-1955627-7499013" target="win2">Science and Religion: Historical and Contemporary Issues</a></i>, Ian G. Barbour, a now retired professor of physics and of religion. Valuable for its history of the encounter between Christianity and Science during the last 300 years or so, but not for its version of Process Theology. For a review click <a href="../scriptorium/barbour.html">here</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0824515218/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Quarks, Chaos, and Christianity</i></a>, John Polkinghorne. Much shorter and more readable than Barbour's book above. Polkinghorne, a physicist turned priest, is more traditional in his thinking about God, and more personal in stating his beliefs than Barbour. In a phrase, less history, less philosophy, more faith. A good, short read.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1416542744/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Language of God</i></a>, Francis S. Collins. The head of the Human Genome Project and an Evangelical Christian, Collins lays out how he reconciles science and faith. After reviewing his evidence for Divine Providence in Nature, he lays out four options: Atheism/Agnosticism (when Science trumps Faith), Creationism (when Faith trumps Science), Intelligent Design (when Science needs Divine help), and his option, Biologos (Science and Faith in harmony).</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060930535/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Poisonwood Bible</i></a>, by Barbara Kingsolver. A Baptist missionary takes his family in 1959 to a remote village in the then Belgian Congo. Recommended by <b>Woody</b>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0883446855/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>A Black Theology of Liberation</i></a>, by James H. Cone. An oldie, but goodie. A sourcebook for the ideas that have informed politically black Christian rhetoric in America since the 1960s.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1588981886/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Born Again and Again and Again:</i></a> A Bible-Based View of Reincarnation, by James A/ Reid, Sr. I haven't read this one yet, but Jim wrote and asked me to post it here. Reviews, anyone?</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1400054788/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Probability of God</i></a>, by Stephen D. Unwin. Unwin uses Bayes' Rule to calculate the probability that God exists given one's prior beliefs about the Universe. He provides an enlightening discussion of probability and statistics, and the Anthropic Cosmological Principle along the way. It's not theologically deep, nor is it a "proof" of God's existence, but it is a way to calculate how consistent the idea of God is with a combination of other things that you either know or believe to be true.</p> <h3><a name="islam"></a>Islamic and Sufic</h3> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=091332101X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Holy Qur'an</cite></a>, translated with parallel Arabic text and footnotes by Maulana Muhammad Ali. The translation has a detectable modernist and Amadhi bias ("Namlites" should be rendered as "ants," for example). But the notes are useful to Westerners. <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0691074992/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Al-Qur'an</a>, a contemporary translation</i> by Ahmed Ali is much more readable, but lacks the copious notes. Another version with copious notes is <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0940368846/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">The Holy Qur'an</a></i> translated by S. V. Mir Ahmed Ali.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=091332115X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>A Manual of Hadith</i></a>, translated by Maulana Muhammad Ali. The early Muslims observed everything the Prophet did and said, and wrote them down. Here is a basic set that enables you to begin living a life in imitation of the Prophet.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0900860804/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Way of the Sufi</cite></a>, Idries Shah. A glimpse into the mystical Zen-like tradition in Islam.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0140444343/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Conference of the Birds</cite></a>, Fahrid ud-Din Attar. The Sufi version of <cite>The Cloud of Unknowing</cite>, i.e., the stages of prayer/meditation.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0062509586/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Essential Rumi</cite></a>, translated by Colin Barks. Astounding, breathtaking, religious poetry. WOW!</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0880884819/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Rubaiyat</cite></a>, Omar Khayyam. Idries Shah claims Omar was a Sufi. Read Edward Fitzgerald's classic translation and judge for yourself.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0394404289/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Prophet</cite></a>, Kahlil Gibran. Sufism Lite, but very pretty.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0520066006/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Europe and Islam</i></a>, Hichem Djait. The historical roots of the present culture clash.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0345391691/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>The Battle for God</i></a>, Karen Armstrong. The history of religious Fundamentalisms in Judaisim, Christianity, and Islam.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0394711955/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Among the Believers: An Islamic Journey</i></a> (1982), by Nobel Laureate V. S. Naipaul. A glimpse inside Islamic societies from an outsider. See also his <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0375706488/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Beyond Belief: Islamic Excursions among the Converted Peoples</a></i> (1999).</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060099240/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">The Heart of Islam</a></i>, by Seyyen Hossain Nasr. See also <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0946621659/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Forty Hadiths</a></i>, by Imam An-Nawawi, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0042970350/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Understanding Islam</a></i>, by Frithjof Schuon, and <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0892811706/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources</a></i>, by Martin Lings. Recommended by <strong>Ahmed Monib</strong>.</p> <p>And now for the Dark Side. There are strong currents in modern Islam that tend toward paranoia and narcissism. Like a person with borderline personality disorder, those who are absorbed in these cultural currents make everyone else pay for their own problems. See "<a href="../scriptorium/johnniejihad.html">Li'l Johnnie's Jihad Page</a>" for a list of links and readings in this area. Apologies to Muslims, if we offend here, but not all truths are pleasant.</p> <h3><a name="asian"></a>Asian Religions (Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist)</h3> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0385260938/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Three Pillars of Zen</cite></a>, Roshi Philip Kapleau. Your basic what is Zen, with first-hand accounts of Kensho, the initial Enlightenment experience.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=038548349X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Zen Buddhism</cite></a>, Daisetz T. Suziki. Your basic what is Zen, with a discussion of Zen and Japanese culture. Neglects to point out that Zen took hold in Japan because its emphasis on "suddenness" appealed to the Samurai.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1570620636/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Zen Flesh, Zen Bones</cite></a>, edited by Paul Reps. Early Zen writings and koans.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0877730059/thevirtuachurchoA/"><cite>The Diamond Sutra, and the Sutra of Hui Neng</cite></a> translated by A. F. Price and Wong Mou-Lam. Just when you think you understand one, the other tells you to try again. The brilliant core of the Zen branch of Buddhism by its founder.</p> <p><cite><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0892131233/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Bhagavad Gita As It Is</a></cite>, translation and commentary by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. This is a ponderous rendition, intended for serious students and contemplatives, of a very short section of the much longer Mahabharata, that deals with the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. See also translations by <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0140441212/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Juan Mascaro</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0553213652/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Barbara Stoller Miller</a>, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0915132354/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Eknath Easwaran</a>. It is well worth reading all three of these short translations.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0192835769/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><i>Upanisads</i></a>, translated by Patrick Olivelle. A very readable translations with helpful, but unobtrusive notes. The Upanishads were composed during the transition from the ancient ritualism of the Vedas to the era of epic Hindu poetry that produced the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. Provides crucial background for understanding the imagery of the Bhagavad Gita.</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0140444025/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">The Rig Veda</a></i>, 108 hyms selected, translated, and annotated by Wendy Doniger O'Flaherty. The key to the Upanisads, above. Since the Gita is most accessible to modern readers, I recommend starting with one of the shorter Gita translations, and then working backward through some of the Upanisads, and then trying some of the Vedic hymns. In this way ever more subtle shades of meaning unfold for the reader. Then go back to the ACBSP's Gita translation for a real good look.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0679600604/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Te-Tao Ching</cite></a>, Lao Tzu, translated by Robert G. Henricks. The best English translation. Right relations and right conduct, briefly stated.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=069109750X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>I Ching</cite></a>, translated into German by Richard Wilhelm and thence into English by Cary F. Baynes, Princeton University Press. Not useful for predicting the future, but useful stimulating oneself to think more deeply about the present. More on Chinese concepts of right conduct and behavior.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0938077007/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Being Peace</cite></a>, Thich Nhat Hanh. Exactly what its title says.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0195002237/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Tibetan Book of the Dead</cite></a>, translated by W. Y. Evans-Wentz. Very esoteric hard to read description of the after-life experience. To be compared with the Christian doctrine of the Resurrection the Body.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0465085857/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>thoughts without a thinker: psychotherapy from a Buddhist perspective</cite></a>, Mark Epstein, MD. Explains Buddhism to psychotherapists and psychotherapy to Buddhists. A good cross-cultural translation book, like the Fritjof Capra's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0877735948/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Tao of Physics</cite></a> which explains Taoism to physicists and physics to Taoists.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0872431193/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Cosmic Revelation</cite></a>, Bede Griffiths. Another cross-cultural translation book. This one explains Vedic Hinduism and Christianity to each other. Good background reading for the Bhagavad Gita.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0393310345/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Ghandi's Truth,</cite></a> Erik H. Erikson. A psychiatrist's insights into the origins of militant non-violent confrontation.</p> <h3><a name="other"></a>Other Traditions</h3> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0803283598/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>Black Elk Speaks</cite></a>, Black Elk and Richard Niemark. Native American religion from the mouth of a Ghost-Dancer. Perhaps someday Native Americans will help mend the hoop of our nation. Black Elk converted to Christianity later in his life.</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=014044100X/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2"><cite>The Epic of Gilgamesh</cite></a>, translated by N. K. Sandars. A Sumerian version of the Flood story that predates Genesis by hundreds of years. Beautiful account of friendship and the quest for eternal life.</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0835605876/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">The Transcendent Unity of Religions</a></i>, by Frithjof Schuon. Recommended by Ahmed Monib.</p> <p><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0062503049/thevirtuachurchoA/" target="win2">Essential Sacred Writings from Around the World</a></i>, by Mircea Eliade.</p> Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-16137608889840435952012-11-16T21:03:00.000-08:002012-11-18T17:39:43.333-08:00Aren't There Real Issues?Apparently the American Media, both Right and Left, have decided that the weighty matters of foreign policy revolve either around Benghazi or Petraeus' penis.<br />
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Look. Benghazi was a screw-up, plain and simple. The Obama Administration got it wrong at first, because it politicizes intelligence information, as it politicizes everything. This is nothing new. Nearly all US presidents politicize intelligence, and therefore diminish their own ability to use intelligence effectively. The exceptions are Washington, Eisenhower, and Bush the Elder. See <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Presidents-Eyes-Only-Intelligence-Presidency/dp/0060921781/" target="_blank">For the President's Eyes Only</a></i>. Even now, the Obama Administration can't come clean with the simple truth, because they have to justify what they first said. See <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-Not/dp/0156033909/" target="_blank">Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me</a></i>.<br />
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And I'm sure that David Petraeus has behaved with more decorum and wisdom than former President Bill Clinton. It's worth noting that he stepped out of line. Good, it's noted. Now it's no longer news.<br />
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The Right Wing Media plays up one story, the Left Wing Media plays up the other. Each one tries to reverse the other's spin. That's the problem with News As Entertainment, as a kind of non-historical Short Attention Span Theater. The real issues, the elephants in the living room, get swept aside. Don't worry the public's pretty little heads. They don't want to think. Just give them bread and circuses.<br />
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So here's a question for the media: It's normal for war aims (or goals or rationales for fighting) to change during a conflict. How have the West's goals changed in the conflict with Al-Qaeda and Affiliated Movements (AQAM)? How have AQAM's goals changed, if at all? How do we use Joseph Nye's "Smart Power" to hasten this conflict to an end that is favorable to humanity? And who is doing that now?<br />
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I'm not interested in the occasional foreign policy screw-up. I'm interested in its overall direction. And I'm not at all interested in the occasional personal indiscretion.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-51820147501489488462012-11-08T13:51:00.001-08:002016-11-05T21:32:53.262-07:00Republicans, Get Over It1. 2008 was not a fluke. It is the new normal.<br />
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2. Nothing you do will win over Latinos as long as your rhetoric during the primaries is about building border fences. Try talking about managing a mobile population for their benefit and that of the US and Mexico, instead of the illegal traffickers.<br />
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3. Nothing you do will win over young single women until you accept that restricting a woman's access to abortion is an unfunded government mandate on her of $1 million per child that she must then raise. If you aren't going to put up the cash, then back off. Feel free to advise us that abortion is evil, but lay down the blunt instrument of the law.<br />
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4. Nothing you do will win over urban districts until you are in urban districts for the long haul as community organizers, not as carpetbaggers come just for the campaign.<br />
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It's time for a change, because your country needs some of your other ideas.<br />
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Congratulations, Mr. Obama! You are my President, and I will do my best to help you succeed in carrying out the duties of your office. But look at a map of the electoral districts before you decide that you have a mandate to overreach.<br />
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Because 2012 is not a fluke, either.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-46421156002816971462012-09-21T21:46:00.001-07:002012-09-21T21:46:16.781-07:00Things Christians Should Know<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Not everything this guy says is on target, but we would all do well to remember that Christianity is what happened when the ailing Roman Empire tried to lengthen its life by transplanting the Jesus movement into itself. There was a graft-vs-host reaction, and the graft won. The Roman Empire is long gone. But Christianity absorbed some of its ideas about hierarchy and the need for orthodoxy from its time as Rome's official government-sanctioned religion. This has affected all subsequent Christianity, East and West, even the Latter Day Saints. That is to say, the Church on earth is a human manifestation of God's Will, and therefore incorporates human failings along with human virtues. We need to keep that always in mind as we strive to be the People of God, to encourage each other in faith, and to do the works that God has given us. A tame Christianity that reflexively affirms the values of its surrounding culture or liberal or conservative subcultures, has surely strayed from the path illuminated by the One who was once crucified and is now resurrected.<br />
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Thanks to ET for sending me this one!Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-64658448020803252662012-09-14T18:06:00.001-07:002012-09-15T23:24:41.296-07:00Things Muslims Should KnowLast year some jerk who calls himself Sam Bacile made a semi-amateurish film called "The Innocence of Muslims" and posted it to YouTube. Sometime later some jihadi-takfiris translated it and dubbed it into Arabic, and then re-posted it to YouTube in time to start a riot in Benghazi to (1) commemorate the 9/11 attacks, and (2) provide cover for an attack on the US embassy.<br />
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Of course jihadi-takfiri jerks everywhere then instigated violence wherever they could, so as not to be seen to be less committed than their Libyan brethren.<br />
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And the people went along with this, because they are unaware of certain things. So, here are some things Muslims should know:<br />
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(1) The American government does not have the power to police the self- expression of its citizens. This is because we citizens are not subjects of our government - we are it's owners. We instituted our government to protect our rights, which are given to us by our Creator (Allah). And among those rights is the freedom to say whatever we want, in public, even if it offends our government or it's officials. That protects our ability to organize against whoever is in power, and vote them out of office, should they fail to use their powers properly. To protect our right to political speech, we don't let our government choose what speech to protect, because it might choose to protect itself instead of its people.<br />
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The benefit we get is better government than is the case in most majority Muslim countries. And with better government comes a better economy. The price we pay is that we must tolerate a certain amount offensive speech, against everybody, including hate speech by some Muslims against ourselves.<br />
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So things like "The Innocence of Muslims" aren't a big deal in America, not because we don't care about blasphemy, but because in order to protect our rights, we ignore such provocations.<br />
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If you would like to live in a free society, in which you can worship Allah as you see fit, then we suggest you ignore them, too.<br />
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(2) Bacile acted on his own without consulting the American government or the American people. Declaring all Americans or their government officials fair game to attack is tribal, not Islamic justice. While tribal justice may work in isolated areas, it is extremely dysfunctional in the modern world. You would do well to learn about the 1400 years and various schools of fiqh, or Islamic jurisprudence, as a better alternative.<br />
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(3) You persist in a false narrative that America and Israel are enemies of Islam. But if you look at the statics honestly, the most likely person to kill a Muslim is another Muslim. And that is forbidden by the Islamic law which you selectively ignore. Yet it is commonly done by the jihadi-takfiris who whip up your anger for their benefit.<br />
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American Muslims already know these things. It's time to spread the word.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-8363552733515335072012-08-25T17:39:00.001-07:002012-08-25T17:39:36.646-07:00Bye, NeilNeil Armstrong, the first person to walk on the moon, has died at the age of 82, from complications after a heart bypass operation. By all accounts he was a great guy, a good engineering professor, and family man. His family asks that when you see the moon on a clear night, give him a wink.<br />
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Nothing NASA has done since the moon missions has had the same worldwide appeal. So now we have a push to return to the moon and then send people to Mars. I'm opposed, because there is nothing out there worth the cost and risk of manned exploration. We should send robots. That way we will at least continue to learn how to build better robots, whether we find anything interesting out there or not.<br />
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The other two missions of NASA should be exoatmospheric astronomy and astrophysics (the Hubble space telescope, the Wilson Microwave Astronomy Probe, the Chandra x-ray telescope, etc.) and figuring out how to get a person from the ground to low earth orbit (LEO) and back for the same price as a transpacific plane ticket.<br />
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Once that last objective is achieved, it will make sense to bring back the Neil Armstrong types and go exploring. Global society needs a frontier, don't you think?Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-59827853446649986852012-04-20T21:14:00.000-07:002012-04-20T21:14:49.541-07:00Why Inequality gets so Little TractionI heard a guest on a recent National Public Radio show wonder why inequality in America is getting so little political traction this election year. Maybe it's because there are so many of us who know we have enough, and can't be bothered to envy those who have more.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-51665823447122768502012-03-11T22:01:00.000-07:002012-03-11T22:01:43.926-07:00To be Surveilled or Colonized?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">A few months after the 9/11 attacks, the New York City Police Department (NYPD) began a campaign of undercover anti-terrorism surveillance in<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"> mosques, schools, and Muslim neighborhoods, according to NYPD commissioner <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203458604577263570071823512.html?mod=googlenews_wsj" target="_blank">Ray Kelly</a> in a recent speech given at Fordham University. That surveillance has thwarted 14 terror attacks from that time to the present. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">On the other hand, one reason the German Catholic and Lutheran churches failed to thwart the rise of Nazism and the deportation of millions of Jews to concentration camps was that Nazi informers infiltrated the churches. It's a question of balance.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">Balance against the petrodollars funding the attempts by extremist <a href="http://www.dogchurch.org/scriptorium/johnniejihad.html" target="_blank">Jihadi-Takfiris</a> and their mullahs and imams to colonize our American mosques, schools, and Muslim neighborhoods. (As if American Islam were any less genuine or authentic than anyone else's Islam.) The Jihadi-Takfiris use methods of agitation-propaganda and provocation learned from atheistic Communism and thuggish violence learned from idolatrous Nazism in order to intimidate or eliminate their opposition within Islam. They function like an organized criminal gang, except that instead of peddling drugs, they are on a Crusade to peddle their narcissistic ideology, to which they themselves are addicted. Against such moneyed, organized, zealous criminal power, the balance of state power is sometimes needed, even welcomed.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">But before we get to blasé about it, think of how you would feel if you went on a camping trip with some of your friends, only to find out, years later, that one of them, whom you trusted, to whom you bared your soul, was actually an undercover cop who was reporting your every word.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">Our American Muslims need and deserve our care and respect. Maybe sometimes they also need the help of our law enforcement agencies to resist colonization by the Jihadi-Takfiris. But that help should be used judiciously and circumspectly. Whenever possible, that help should wait for an invitation. And always, that help must respect and protect the privacy and dignity of Muslims who have given themselves to God, and not to the Jihadi-Takfiri <b><i>idol</i></b> of God.</span>Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-53330754922782836962012-03-09T19:36:00.001-08:002012-03-11T21:07:07.916-07:00You Do Not Have the Right Never to be Offended<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Adapted from the poisonous pen of the notorious Right Wing extremist, <a href="http://www.horowitzfreedomcenter.org/" target="_blank">David Horowitz</a>:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Last fall, a Muslim, named </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px;">Talaag Elbayomy</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"> attacked a Pennsylvania man name Ernest Perce who had dressed up like Mohammed for a Halloween parade. The attack was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yP-X3hpCfR8" target="_blank">caught on film</a>, witnessed by dozens of parade watchers, and verified by a policeman. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px;">Elbayomy</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> was charged. But when he was brought before Cumberland County Judge Mark Martin, the judge dismissed the assault charges against the Muslim and dressed down the Pennsylvania man for <b>being insensitive to the Muslim religion.</b> Not only did Martin rule in favor of the Muslim attacker, he lectured Ernest Perce for <strong>insulting Islam</strong>: "Islam is not just a religion, it's their culture. It's their very essence their very being… And what you've done is, you've complete trashed their essence, their being. They find it very, very, very offensive. I find it offensive."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">- End of Adaptation.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I find it offensive, and stupid, too. But in a democracy, being offended does not confer the right to commit violence. Yet Judge Martin unlawfully conceded the right to commit violent crime in the name of religion to Elbayomy, and by extension to all practitioners of the religion of Islam.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I doubt that Judge Martin would concede a right of violent redress to equally devout Catholics seeking revenge against</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"> members of the Obama Administration who are forcing Catholic organizations to provide insurance coverage for birth control. In other words, Judge Martin is just another knee-jerk, reactionary, Politically Correct "useful idiot" for Islamofacism, who desperately needs to be impeached from the judiciary, and disbarred from the practice of law. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;">It is the job of the judiciary to defend ordered liberty, not to sell it cheap in a vain attempt to appease its despisers.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 3px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 3px;">You do not have the right never to be offended, because if you do, then everyone else has no rights. The whole world must revolve around your sensitivities. And that's wrong.</span>Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-72033991414352130332012-03-03T01:13:00.000-08:002012-03-03T01:13:58.126-08:00Birth Control is Not a RightSo Rush Limbaugh satirized <a href="http://www.mercurynews.com/business/ci_20091401" target="_blank">Sandra Fluke</a>, a Georgetown University Law Student, who is advocating in favor of the Obama Administration policy that mandates employers who provide health insurance also provide coverage for contraceptives and abortifacients. I have yet to hear or read Limbaugh's remarks, or Ms. Fluke's for that matter.<br />
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What I can say, is that when my wife and I were Ms. Fluke's age, we were also living on graduate student stipends. We took care of our own birth control costs, and never thought to ask the University to help us with them. Because we assumed that birth control was not our right - it was our <b><i>responsibility</i></b>. Birth control is considered a right by people whose ideology confuses license with liberty.<br />
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On the other hand, the real issue is not graduate students, but the working poor. When you are bringing in such low wages that you have to count pennies, then maybe you do need a little help to make ends meet. Maybe the government should win this one. But Catholic and some other religious institutions have moral objections to birth control. At least let them have a means test, so that they will only be compelled to provide such coverage to those whom they pay wages too low to afford it.<br />
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That will at least provide those institutions a way to opt out of providing coverage for birth control by raising the wages of those lowest on the pay scale, and letting them make their own choices as to how to spend their own money.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-75288222037118760002012-03-03T00:31:00.000-08:002012-03-03T01:14:29.002-08:00How Dangerous is Theoretical Physics?The String Theorists and the Loop Quantum Gravitators are busily chipping away at the problem what space-time actually is. For some time, my concern has been that if people can figure out how space-time is put together, then somebody might be able to figure out how to take it apart. In other words, the next paradigm shift in theoretical physics may have weapons implications, just like the last one, which gave us nuclear weapons. The atomic nucleus is not Nature's last word on explosive energy release.<br />
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That last word is actually the First Word - the Big Bang that began the Universe as we know it. The question is whether some yet to be discovered physics can yield intentional explosions between the intensity of a nuclear explosion and the Big Bang.<br />
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On the other hand, our astronomers are finding that planets orbiting around stars are commonplace. With all those planets out there, surely some are home to technological civilizations, and surely some of them have already discovered physics that is several paradigms beyond our own. If there were any explosive technology based on such physics, and if any extra-terrestrial civilization had used it, our astronomers would have seen it. So far, all the observable explosions and other energetic phenomena in space look natural. Or so we think.<br />
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Maybe theoretical physics isn't such a dangerous pursuit after all. Maybe.Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11222724.post-6022773466833413482012-02-16T23:05:00.000-08:002012-02-16T23:05:26.316-08:00Why Conservatives SuckHere it is, in their own words, by their own admission.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lvLZ-M_HS-w?rel=0" width="500"></iframe>Scooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17897723268226845919noreply@blogger.com0