Sex Education 101

If not making love, at least taking care

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. — Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891

First of all, VCBC has to point out that the longer you wait, the better it is. Second, the best it ever gets is when you are in good health in a good marriage. Like championship ballroom dancing, it takes lots of practice with one partner.

Since these points seem to be lost on the majority of teenagers today, we here at VCBC would like you to survive the experience(s) with minimal harm to yourself and others. To that end, we have a few guidelines for those who cannot abstain until marriage.

1. Never have sex with someone you don't at least like and respect. Otherwise, you may end up disliking and disrespecting yourself.
   
   
2. Never, ever, under any circumstances, for any reason — no matter how exciting or adventurous or kind or caring it may seem — never have sex with anyone crazier than yourself. Ignoring this guideline is a quick way to derail your life. Or even end it.
   
   
3. Keep the number of different people you have sex with low. Promiscuity doesn't just put you and your partners at risk, it harms the whole society by creating an ecological niche for the sexually transmitted diseases of the future to occupy. That is to say, if you screw around, you are helping to create the conditions for the next pandemic. AIDS is not the first, the last, nor the worst of these.
   
   Besides, if you screw around a lot, we all know you're just using people as objects of gratification, which violates guideline number one. Or else you're trying to fill the hole in your soul with sex, because you're don't think you're worth love.
   
   
4. Remember that the person you're having sex with is in your care. This means that we want you to do what you can to protect your partner's physical and emotional health (as well as your own). After all, a euphemism for having sex is "making love," and loving means taking care, at the very least. This covers everything from safer sex practices to being very careful if you get into sadomasochism (yes, there are even safer ways to do that).
   
   
5. If you're straight, get informed about, and use effective methods of birth control, until you and your partner are really ready to make a commitment to each other and to your children.
   
   It takes a lot of money, long hours, and lots of love to raise a child well. And a mature patience to be happy going without enough sleep or time to yourself, and having spit-up on your clothes and diaper doo on your hands.